It was my first time
And I was dreading it.
I felt like God and I just weren't on the same page.
After all, I was in love with a girl
and I am a girl.
So, I thought I was ******.
But, I put away those thoughts for those few days
And I prayed.
I prayed as hard and as loud as I could.
For the first two days I made sure I talked to nobody.
I didn't want them to know how awful I was.
I had done so many awful things,
Especially in the past few weeks before I had went there.
So I prayed.
I asked for forgiveness.
I know I got it from him, and never really from you.
But, I learned something at camp.
I cried, and I knelt down on the ground and pleaded,
"God, please. I'll do anything to undo the pain I caused.
I don't want her to hurt, I can feel it, I can feel her pain."
And while I never really got an outright answer,
Something happened.
I was learning how to forgive myself.
It's so important to learn how to do that,
Because not everyone will completely forgive you,
Maybe people like me can easily forgive others,
But many others cannot.
And with you, I never really understood why you tried so hard to forgive me.
I still think it was because you loved me,
But even that seems too radical and unrealistic now.
Forgiveness is something so powerful.
It helps you put away the bad,
And it helps you to move on.
We both have hurt each other,
It's just a matter of forgiveness now.
So the question is:
*Will I forgive you and will you forgive me?