i get it* okay? i know that you're tired, and i know that you want to give up, and i know i'm not worth it, and i know i'm causing you pain, and i know that deep down you don't want to be involved with me at all

i get it
my voice is not angelic, and the echoes of midnight tears and heartbreaks reverberate every time i open my mouth to tell you that i'm not okay, and i know that when you look at my face you wonder why someone who sounds so normal can look so drained, how my eyes seem so hollow, how the skin under my eyes has finally began to bloat instead of just caving in because my eyes are tired to keep looking at this reality

i get it and now is not the time for you to act sentimental and tell me through words that are strained and teeth that are clenched, eyes that are empty and hearts that are not full by the love that i've been trying to give, that you're okay and i didn't affect you at all

i know that this is not what you thought it would be and it breaks my heart to know that but i cannot change
you can pull my hand and force me to obey you but i will only go so far, because the inner workings of my mind are too **** strong to ever give up on me even if i'm ruining myself, and you cannot convince me that you will always stay because i know it's not true, and i know i can't support you either

we lean on each other partially until eventually we fall together, confused and depressed, nostalgic about a past that makes five months seem so distant, desiring something more but constantly being unfulfilled, constantly meeting a wall, constantly looking down, constantly not relying on one another, constantly counting down to a memory that is so unstable it won't happen

*i get it, this is it