you do not make me crave you. i look at you, and i do not feel a pull towards you in any way. you are attractive, but you are singular. you are simply a person and for some reason i can not gather up the energy to want you. you are a beautiful person, you are something solid and natural, and i wish that i wanted you. but i look at you, and all i feel is an interest. i want to know who you are without putting in the energy. please, give me something, some part of you, knowing that i will give you absolutely nothing in return. please, give yourself up to me. maybe i want you just so that i can have control over something, or maybe i want you just because i can have you. maybe i will gather an eli and a devin and a fitz and a gerrard and a  hunter until i have every letter and then maybe i will be content having collected every boy that i possibly could. eli please, give me something more. give me everything. i want everything that you could give me and you will get nothing, it will not be a fair trade and you will not be happy in the end but that is okay because i will be content with what i have gotten.