I stopped hating myself
For no reason
When I was 16.
I have a reason now.

I stopped fighting.

I gave up.

I let him take
What He wanted
I let him violate me.

I've taken several showers since then
But it's never enough
I'm never clean enough.
I'll never be clean enough.

When it happened
I didn't want to call It what it was.
I didn't want to be a victim
Didn't want to be looked at
Like I was broken.

But it was that.
No matter what I want to call it.
That's what it was.
And I'll have to live with hating myself
For the rest of my pathetic life.
Because it was ME who gave up the fight.