Ive come to the conclusion that even though i always wear my running shoes, it doesn’t mean i can outrun everything

The roads
they lead to somewhere
You don’t know where you’ll end up
you might not want to end up anywhere
your always going to come face first with a dead end

I burnt my hand purposely the other day
so that i could feel a tiny ounce of emotion for a change
all I’m left with is irritated red skin
A reminder that despite the amount of pain i have stored inside
i still feel nothing
Laughter cascades from my lips
pleasantries tumble through my slight smile
The truth perches itself on my tongue
idly and patiently waiting for the day when i let it out
I hear its sighs when i speak
i feel the disappointment radiating from it in tsunami waves
Its a constant bad taste in my mouth that no amount of lyrsterine can rid of

“aren’t you tired of holding me in?”
it whispers after every conversation

I cover it up with more futile words piling on top of each other till i don’t even remember what i believed in at first
ironic how the thing that exhumes me is the one that buries me
Rip my chest open and haul out my insides
I’m afraid all you’ll find is a note saying
“ no one home, been gone for a while”

Cut along my skull with a scalpel and expose my brain
I’m afraid all you’ll find is little workers packing up their bags, glancing up and saying
“ Your efforts are nugatory, theres no sign of sentiment here”

Cradle my heart in your palms and feel the beat
I’m afraid it’ll crumble and disintegrate into dust
Sifting through the remnants you’d find a crumpled paper saying
“ If found, its too late”

The word Unhappy resonates through my head
pounding at my brain
oozing from my eyes
unhappy
morose
doleful
the list goes on

Im afraid of change
i’ve been unhappy for so long that the thought of not being terrifies me