Deep in my psyche
Broken contacts spark
Faulty connections
Between my brain and heart

So many traumatic incidents
I somehow survived
Violent childhood
Prison life

Over and over
Throughout my life
Surrounded by thugs
With guns and knives

Losing my children
When they were quite small
Is the most traumatic
Experience of all

I fought to hold on
In the face of adversity
Prayed for death
To escape a grim reality

Then I discovered a switch within
A way to shut down and try to mend

Flip the switch of fear
And now you're brave
Flip the switch of emotional pain
And now my heart is lame

Unfortunately over many years
All that negative energy reappears
Shadows and voices
Paranoia and indecisive choices

It feels so good at first
Yet to switch it off
In the end is a curse...