i will spend my whole life cupping your face in my trembling hands and pressing innocent kisses to the seamless curve of your jaw and still you will never know the sheer depths of my desire

until i put a bullet through my brain. they will have to pry the gun from my cold clenched fist but their hands will come away soiled with more than just gunpowder and iron, they will

find them all. my secrets, hidden away in the ridges of my fingerprints and the crags of my scars and the dips and valleys of a story that has spanned a lifetime, a sentence ended with

a comma. the air will hang heavy with all the lingering question marks that will never have their full stop, and they will smooth out the parchment-thin confession beneath their palms and learn of

my sins.

this is the god-honest truth: i was never as brave as you believed me to be, and;

this is the god-honest truth: i wanted you and always did, although i always knew i couldn't hold a candle to him, and;

this is the god-honest truth: i would have given anything, anything in the world and beyond it, to have been him, and;

they will stain my skin. these words of mine inked in blood and held in the vaults of my heart, in the deepest, darkest corners of the catacombs, this is the god-honest truth: i love you and always have.