litter my body with art ornate drawings paintings mixed colors silver gold clay copper jewelry I don't mind bruises (any kind) thud thud thud through my heart litter my ears heart throat with songs that shake my aorta unbalancing my Eustachian tube deafen me to everything else and I will breathe in until my lungs ache (pulmonary artery backed up--too much oxygen) the air full of wrong lust love hope rain sun speed disease panic difference bodies hate sky and infinite space I must know what it feels like to be fully fully fully alive