The truth is, regardless of how badly I want to, I can't find it in me to risk saying to you all the things I so badly want you to know. It's risky.

I know exactly what I want to say,
The words constantly dance
At the tip of my tongue
Always at the worst times.

But whenever a window of opportunity opens
My mouth forgets what it's purpose is
And my brain forgets what words are
Or what they even mean
And my heart forgets to beat at a safe pace
Instead threatening to ****** itself out of my chest
And into your face
And how could that not scare you off?

I cannot scare you off

So I tell you never mind
And I hate myself a little more
As I let my ear press against your chest
Somehow allowing all my life's worries to subside
With that the window slams shut.

I can't risk this.
You bring a calmness to the hours of my life
That are otherwise a hurricane of sorts
And well, I'm not trained in swimming
I always only drown