Feb 2015
It’s not love, but infatuation, memories of a false life plague the precipices of my mind. Emotions made stronger, becoming harder to distinguish between reality and fantasy. Lust, wanton and forever present, of days filled with pleasure and ecstasy.
Is it heaven or is it hell? I can no longer tell. The further away I am, the easier it is to breath but like an addict, I linger in the doorway, between the past and the possible future.
My chest aches, my breath is labored. This pain, this agony makes it hard to swallow. Emotions roll like waves in a typhoon, and I am drowning.
Where was I? When I lost my way, in the gaze that are your eyes. Where were you? The moment you placed your lips against my own.
How was i to know, how lost you had been. Kept for too long in the dark, where the voices whisper sweet lies of terror and blood shed.
So I fell, through space and time; and when I awoke it was to the familiar hollowness I have known all my life. This time however, I could not remember what it was like to live as I had before, so that part of me, the one you had filled so graciously had died along with you.
You awoke with a clean slate, no real memories, and no real emotions to prove you an organic being. You had left me to pick up the glass, I so foolishly aloud you to touch, now broken and shattered under blood soaked hands.
What a fool I had been, what a fool you aloud yourself to be.Yet here we are, face to face. With a grim smile on my lips, and a false twinkle in your dead eye.
Amongst people we don’t really care for, yet we cling to them. For a sense of normalcy. So that you may remember of those few but better days. So I can bring down those walls that I have erected once more.
Is it heaven or is it hell? I can no longer tell. The further away I am, the easier it is to breath but like an addict, I linger in the doorway, between the past and the possible future.
My chest aches, my breath is labored. This pain, this agony makes it hard to swallow. Emotions roll like waves in a typhoon, and I am drowning.
Where was I? When I lost my way, in the gaze that are your eyes. Where were you? The moment you placed your lips against my own.
How was i to know, how lost you had been. Kept for too long in the dark, where the voices whisper sweet lies of terror and blood shed.
So I fell, through space and time; and when I awoke it was to the familiar hollowness I have known all my life. This time however, I could not remember what it was like to live as I had before, so that part of me, the one you had filled so graciously had died along with you.
You awoke with a clean slate, no real memories, and no real emotions to prove you an organic being. You had left me to pick up the glass, I so foolishly aloud you to touch, now broken and shattered under blood soaked hands.
What a fool I had been, what a fool you aloud yourself to be.Yet here we are, face to face. With a grim smile on my lips, and a false twinkle in your dead eye.
Amongst people we don’t really care for, yet we cling to them. For a sense of normalcy. So that you may remember of those few but better days. So I can bring down those walls that I have erected once more.
This was inspired by a past "love" that I learned later on it was never real love. However if i must, i will add this to part of my life as "The first boy i fell in love with" It was a whirlwind, crazy, fun, painful, loving. And if anything, i learned what it meant to love at least once in my life. I hate him, but i will never be able to rid myself of him. He is also going to get married soon. So there is that, i wrote this a while ago btw.
