I have been learning how to die, have prepared myself at every intersection or doctor's office, have been whispering Good Bye like last words, every time.
I have been learning how to be a corpse, have been rotting from the inside out, have been peeling away the decaying flesh beside my fingernails, on the inside of my lip, around the wounds that I know will never get the chance to heal now.
I have been learning how to be a skeleton, have been leaving empty spaces between ribs and vertebrae, have been training myself to lie still in small, dark places.
I have been learning how to be a ghost, have haunted my own home, have found solace in inhabiting this body that I claim to belong in, I have been learning how to regret.