I'm trying to find solace in anything.
Anything.
But I realize I'm angrier than before.
I stand in the shower for 30 minutes and just seethe in anger.
Anger at God.
Anger at my mom.
Anger at my dad.
Anger at my sister.
Anger at the guy who hit my brother.
Anger at my boyfriend.
Anger at me.
Anger at my brother.
Sometimes I wish I could just scream in there,
But I know my parents would probably freak out.
Maybe even bust the door open and see me in all my glory.
That'd be embarrassing.
I feel like I hate everyone.
But I also can't be mean to anyone.
I feel bad when I get mad at my boyfriend.
But damn sometimes he makes me wanna beat the shit out of him.
And then sometimes I just wanna pounce on him.
All these emotions got me fucked up.
I'm over here reminiscing old memories of my brother hoping for some sort of solace.
But I end up in tears just wishing the good Lord would just take me.
And I know its selfish but in this kind of moment, you only think of the pain now.
I can't see my future anymore.
The man I love doubt's me all the time and he has good reason to.
I don't know where I'm heading.
And it breaks my heart that he does.
But oh well.
I couldn't even convince my own brother to stay in the end either.
So much for solace.