Its not just that. I miss Him. So much. I miss laying with him and just feeling safe in his arms and it just really gets to me sometimes and tonight is one of those nights where I feel like I have concrete blocks tied to my ankles while trying to swim. Like it literally hurts my heart and I'm so on the verge of letting out feelings that need to be let out, but I just can't. Because once I do, I'll have dreams about him and I won't be as strong as I am again. He'll consume every thought every day instead of just every other thought. I want to splatter my brains all over the wall. I'm miserable and I'm trying to find happiness in someone else immediately and I'm not giving them my all and I feel bad but me and Him had everything planned out. For three years. And I didn't do anything wrong. I just wasn't good enough. And it hurts to the very core of my heart because I invested so much into him.