I just looked up
What the **** am I doing?
I feel as if I have completely changed
Like I took acid every day for a year
The only people I believe are my children
Because they believe
I hate experience
And cynicism
And being mature
I cannot eliminate desire
It lies beneath the surface

It will never go away

I've become a dream
A movie
Everything about me is now a rerun
The inspiration has been forgotten
All that is left was my reaction
And even that is detached
But why must I watch?
I just want to feel music
The violin
The villain
The guitar
The girl
The voice
The volcano
Images that belong to me fail to light the screen
Only emotion
Not movements
Not stillness
Not laughter
Not crying
Only what I cannot see
Or prove
Do you believe a clowns smile?
Or a strippers?
You can't know
A movie merely scratches
An image merely fools
An aging man knows nothing
And that is the problem
At the height of his powers it becomes obvious
He is nothing
But he must watch reruns of his life acted out by you
You better invent something
Or make people feel
You cannot follow
Or remain sane
You must make your parents proud
Very proud
Or unnerve them
Otherwise he knows how it will end
While you play pretend