i had a dream
i was holding my brother in
my toothless arms
i could not see
his face
he was breathing
my hand on his back
those heaving breaths
of sleep
silence
solitude

but it was not my brother
not a dream
it was my friend i held
laying on my back as
night terrors
gripped her
clawed her
back into reality

and we could not go back
to sleep
and we did go back
on our promise
and it was beautiful and cumbersome
and my brain raced frantically
just as it always does

distant
she penetrates me through screens
and those nights and
i long
i yearn
i creak
to hold my brother
who never existed
in my arms once more