Sometimes
I find it hard to breathe
I find it harder to live
But it's easy to quit
So why not quit
Take the easy way out
Is that really what I want
That will never be the answer
Never
Even though
When I think of what has happened
That's when my throat closes
When I go back to that day
That very second
Right before the pain
I know I was happy
And that happiness beckons me
With all the force I have
I attempt to fight it
But how can I when that's really all I want
I'm not there yet
That fact
Is the one that keeps me up at night
And ruins all of my dreams
That claws at the corners of my mind
Grasping the dark edges
And hanging on
Feeling like cold knuckles against warm skin
Bringing out cold thoughts
And brittle memories
The ones that break me down a size or five
That put me in a corner
And lock me up
Feelings only begin to sway around the room
Positive and negative collide
Making everything black and white
And unreadable
That's when I know
Exactly what I must do