When you spend your entire life comforting yourself
you tend to forget exactly who you are
and I've been looking in the mirror more,
not because I like what I see but because I want to understand
my existence, I don't want to feel pretty I want to know if that's one of my labels
I don't want to feel loved, I want to know if I am.
And when you stare at your reflection you are given the ability to see
the shell of your body, divorced from feelings divorced from itself,
something your very much alive flesh can't accomplish and trust me I've tried
I've tried I've tried
It's a type of death when you miss out on your own life.
It's a type of death when you're too busy hoping people love you
that you disconnect, cut the cord, there was no goodbye, only
camouflaged lies lies lies
And I comfort myself and I comfort myself and shh it's okay
and I play the role of a lover and you'd think that
due to the immense amount of time I tell myself it's fine
that I wouldn't mind when I get let down, dropped
waking up on cold sheets and a numb heart