I wanted it all too badly
I wanted it so bad I could have given my life for it, drained my blood for it, torn out my hair for it
You ****** me up
And I still crave you
Dream about you
All I want is to write one good poem about you
But I have so many feelings and so many things to say and way too many thoughts and my throat burns and my eyes sting and the wind is colder than my hands that time you held them for the first time and why did you leave when you swore you wouldn't why did you leave
Whydidyoufuckingleave
You ****** me up
And the ringing in my ears still sings your name like an old tune and the smell of you lingers on my clothes like a reminder in the pit of my stomach and the bottom of my heart of how deep I let myself get. How deep I fell. And I remember humming my secrets into your ear, and I remember how you were there.
And I thought "remember this moment, because he won't be here forever." But you seemed so real with your lips on my neck and your teeth on my ear and your strong arms on my back. You seemed so real. ****, you seemed so real.
But now it's 3 am and I lay alone on sheets haunted by your memory and the train is too loud outside my window and remember that time I told you we should hop on a train and never return?
And you never did tell me your favorite band because you didn't want to ruin it with my memory, and I'm happy for your sake. Because that's what I am now. A memory.
You ****** me up.
And I hope wherever you are you know that the smell of whiskey still reminds me of you and so does the feeling of confusion. And I'm sorry for all the times I tried too hard to fit us together, when we belonged on different ends of the puzzle.
We ****** each other up.