when i was a kid,
i was convinced through guilt,
tricking myself to feel your presence,
to speak to you,
to feel you by my side.

when i was a kid,
i was taught i'd go to hell,
i was taught to keep my head down,
because i can't rest my eyes upon you,
because you were only ever up there.

when i grew up,
You lifted my chin,
opened my eyes and showed me,
You brought angels by my side
and You never ****** me.

when i grew up,
You helped me realize,
that every step of the way,
that every person I had met,
brought me closer to You.

i haven't had the confidence lately
to talk like this,
to write like this,
i haven't had the confidence lately
to be myself.
sure, you still see me expressing,
but that's only surface level,
and sometimes the laughter
goes the opposite end
and i'm really not fine.

sometimes i can't even tell anymore,
what's me and what's my image,
am i saying this just for the internet
to like comment praise and share?
i'm losing myself in a complex of codes
that aren't even tangible,
yet hold a heavy place in everyone's
hearts and minds and souls.

the internet is supposed to empower me,
that's what i felt before, being able to share everything,
but now i have to be so careful,
to preserve myself,
to preserve my thoughts,
that i feel caged and anxious by the thousands of cursors
scrolling through.

i guess what i'm trying to say is
how do i get my voice back?
when i've become so mute
yet i just type and type and type
and lose myself among the keys,
and lose myself among the clicks and views.