Your love
makes me feel safe
enough to sleep
every night
without
locking
the world out

You left tiny pieces of yourself
on the dance floor last night
I only noticed because
when I began to sweep
they were still shining
bright

I’m not so impressed with
the big parts of you
but I am totally and completely
in love
with the little bits of you
the crumbs of you
left scattered on the ground
when the world
decides
it is done with you

you know you're depressed when
the window in your room
looks better with the
blinds on
than with a clear view of the outside

"But I'm all right," he said
to himself

Beyond the thin wall
he heard wheezing breath and grunts
and moans. His roommate
was living the college life, alright.

Kid kept saying it is game that gets
you girls and not money or looks. Sure, but
it's easy to say that
when your dad just
casually drops the keys to a brand new BMW
when he visits.

Meanwhile he's been bartending for
the last eight years, since he turned twenty. Maybe
dropping out of college wasn't
the greatest of ideas. Neither
was breaking up
with the only girl who cared for him. He
knew she cared for him because
she wouldn't stop nagging him
to go back to college. Because
she wanted a life
with him. Kids even, and all that.
Well, his answer was no

and three years ago
she said no to life. Perhaps for other reasons, he
wouldn't know now and it was
no longer important. Now it
was his turn to make a choice.
He stood
ambled to the window
opened the blinds
and the window
Watched the city below
Kept watching for the rest of the night
Unblinking
Major decisions were just
not his thing

happiness
is not the point
to life
but a byproduct
of consciousness

the pursuit of happiness
is a construct
of the disenfranchised
believing they’re entitled
to more meaning
from existence

brief moments of joy
strung together
to form an illusion
of contentment

are merely distractions
from the pain and suffering
of the human condition

I have squandered my soul again
I yearned for a tourniquet;
clutched my aching limbs 
as I bled out onto the floor,
onto myself

I’ve stolen fleeting things,
beget to me, lost to time
I have been conditioned to rot;
to survey eternity 
from behind the gate of the mind

I keep tricking myself
Surreptitious riddles, ghost of night
Resuscitating nothingness
regurgitating, heaving death

I keep deepening my desire to die
But I don't want to dissolve,
I want metamorphosis;
reintegration with the tapestry;
to begin dreaming, as an artist,
and paint my blood onto the canvas 
of the universe

My spirit leaves me
in unsanctimonious wanderings;
each time I flitter between
love and loss and longing

I would only ask:
let me cling to nothing,
understand without being crushed;
allow me relinquishment
Forgive me

Please forgive me if
I know longer  
know
the right thing to say