I know it's your fault
You even said it

But then why do I feel like this
Like sadness is dropping off my body as if I'm drenched in sweaty sorrow
Like I'm drowning in my own self hate as if I'm the one holding my own head down under my own self pity

Because a part of me
Feels like
I couldn't even keep you
Interested enough

'Hello, old friends' I say
As the voices in my head come rushing in
I thought I got rid of you
I thought I was
Beautiful
Stunning
Gorgeous
Magnificent
They smirk at me
Because we both know those things
Are
Not
True

I love you

I love you with all my heart and soul

But do I love you enough to let you go?

Have you ever felt so free
Almost like you were on fire
Like you have the oceans to yourself to swim and explore
Like the clouds were yours
Like every breath of air felt like precious gifts of life and you just want to scream with joy

Because if you haven't
I want you to have mine

It's ironic how quick you flee
It's almost funny how fast I tumble back down
But it's not funny
Because rock bottom doesn't feel so nice when you've felt the kisses of the clouds

Climb down into the bright, raspberry red of my heart
Can you hear how it beats for you?

Wrap your ocean arms around me
I want you to pull me into your depths
It's only there that I feel home

Can you tell I'm breathing easier?
Or maybe I'm just breathless

Would you let me hear your heartbeat?
Does it sound the same as mine?
I'm convinced that you're too divine to be made of the same parts as me

I want to hear your heartbeat every night before I sleep
I want to fill in the small pauses between beats with love and joy
I am not worthy of that
But somehow you still let me
You say your heart is mine

How did I ever get so lucky?