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 Jan 2014 Sarah
haley
we're all standing on the edge of reality,
millimeters from the precarious cliff of horrible,
beautiful truth.
the glow of our iPhones, tablets, flat screen TVs, etc
illuminating our placid faces.
ignorance is bliss, they say.
wake up!
wake up,
and turn off your alarm,
and flip on the news;
start your coffee brewer.
we depend on the technology.
we live in the the technology.
we live in a computer.
you are not real
and neither am i
but we aren't dead either.
if we can think,
we can exist,
right?
basing this off an existential crisis discussion
 Jan 2014 Sarah
stargazer
Nobody dies of a broken heart!
That is what everyone says.
Time heals all scars!
That is what everyone says.
The pain dims, the memories fade
New and important things happen
People move on, make a fresh start
That is what everyone says.
Tell you what, I make a fresh start every Single day!
A resolution, not to look back
Not to care, not to feel, not to hear.
And yes, I succeed.


Sometimes.
 Jan 2014 Sarah
Aarya
For Ellen:
 Jan 2014 Sarah
Aarya
If I could,
I would pick up my ink pen
and drown an ocean into you
instead of drowning you in it.
Extract these rotting feelings
for the sake of your ignorance.
Carve scriptures into each delicacy of your brain
so you wouldn’t have to dwell in such misery every day.
Wire faith
to your blemished heart.  
Imbue purity
to your sullied soul.
If I could,
I would write you through all depths of insanity
without any harm
so that your
mind no longer persists the thought of death.
There was a time I thought you were dead.
Only you were painted red
in a black and white world.
Like you have been walking barefoot on a broken road
your whole life.
Your demons imitate life
And life imitates the demons.
You are the one being tied down by invisible, nonexistent chains.
So unaccepting of help that has come for you
Watch  
the sun touch the horizon
reach the meeting of sun and ground
and
Find further still,
The limits you would like to reach only run from you.
You have such a murderous tongue
for society  
people.
But one day I hope to see you write yourself into existence
Rather than to let yourself drown in it.
Why has you dying become something so habitual?
Darling, death is not a friend of yours
Nor are you a friend of his.
But I know of your frequent dates with death
Tell me
Does his neck feel like happiness
And do his lips relieve you of your suffocation
Now
are you lost?
or are you found?
Do you recognize the irony  
Of the most terrifying things happening in the most angelic places
Charm yourself upon that bridge
Whose lights light up the city in golden arrays
With a glazed look
you’d think.
In sadness seen go by
You are charmed by either war or hope.
These occurred robberies have taken much
But they left opportunity
Important people
And a moon in your window
A future that only you know the ending of  
And a slice of the midnight sky.
So it goes.
 Jan 2014 Sarah
Miriam
wasteland
 Jan 2014 Sarah
Miriam
my heart has been feeling both numb
and heavy at the same time

there are so many souls but all of them
seem so untouchable

or maybe that’s just me
maybe i’ve shut myself off from everybody

and maybe it’s also just me—
but is there a fine line between happy and sad?
because i think i’ve blurred it out
and mixed them both up

(i am both happy and sad;
i am both brave and afraid)

i am a contradiction
and i am tired of walking along the fine lines
the way is steep and dark, filled with ghosts,
and things that haunt my heart

please clear this muddy path again,
or i’ll end up on the ugly side of the fence.
 Jan 2014 Sarah
Just Me
Why
 Jan 2014 Sarah
Just Me
Why
If I asked you what you loved
what would you say?

Can I guess?

Your mother, father, brother, sister
Reading, writing, singing
Music, friends
Everything

The list could go on and on
am I right?

I think I am.

But.

How long would it take you to say
the most important one

Minutes?
Hours?
Days?
Years?
Ever?

Would you be able to say it
Could you even say it

How long would it take you
to say
myself
I love myself

For some  
It never happens

Why you ask?

How could someone not love themselves?

I think you know.
But you just don't want too.
You don't want to see it, hear it.

But I'm going to tell you.

Whether you like it or not.

So Why?

Why is because when she looks in the mirror
All she sees is an ugly face
An ugly body
And ugly soul
How could she love such an ugly being?

Why is because when she lies awake at 3 in the morning
All her insecurities attack her
All her doubts, her worries
Flood her every thought, drowning everything else out
How could she love such a weak pathetic being?

So you ask why some will never be able to say "I love myself"
This is Why
These are the thoughts going through their heads
The thoughts that never leave them alone
How long would it take you to say 'myself' Minutes, Hours, Days, Years, Ever
 Jan 2014 Sarah
Another girl
She
 Jan 2014 Sarah
Another girl
She
Step into the rain
Running from the trees
Her heart tell us that she’s alone
her hollow eyes that makes me stay away from her
her laugh, its like screaming to me
every word feel so bitter
she walks with the shadows
shadows that can probably **** her
choke her, with hands that feels like knifes
she know that she’s unhappy
alone, she don’t even choose that
but she don’t know how to be happy
everything’s like dead space for her
but as always, she walk into the dark
alone but with her fears, tears and suferring
 Jan 2014 Sarah
unsolvedemotions
The night hasn't came yet
But the light, I barely see them
How did I get here?
In this long dark tunnel
Alone
And it's cold
I found myself
Wrapped with nothing
But misery
Wonder if I would ever be free?

But
Do I want to be free?
I don't know
I don't know what I want
I don't know what I'm searching for
Is it freedom? Is it love?
Are those the solutions
To my problems?

I'm surrounded by darkness
So darkness I became
At first I thought I needed
Just some time alone
But
I came to realise
That I need it way too often

I don't hate everyone
I don't hate this world either
I don't know
I just feel like by distancing myself
Everything feels much better
It's just that
Life is so cruel
One moment, I'm the happiest girl
The next second
I found myself crying to some sad songs
One moment, it was perfect
But you know what they said
Some things are
Just too good to be true
Again, I'm an emotional wreck

It's tiring
I gotta admit that
But if I gave up now
What have I gained?
Nothing, absolutely nothing
I know I have to move on
I know I have to keep moving forward
And I will

But not now

At this crucial moment
I need some time alone
So just let me be
And don't even bother to come search for me
 Jan 2014 Sarah
September
Kissing, supporting—
then sniffing, then snorting:
Xanax, ******, Tylenol.
Alcohol will never expire
dealer, buyer—
you're getting higher and—and—and
Louder, louder—
you're drowning in prescription powder.

You're given ***, speed, salvation
It's not love, it's medication.
Whisper it.
 Jan 2014 Sarah
Sir B
The universe doesn't care
what you are doing to yourself
It doesn't want to **** you
because your time isn't over yet
It has no emotions
so if you keep cursing it
for never ending your life
its fine.

Universe won't feel a thing
because it has nothing
no emotions/no feelings

So,
henceforth
we should all up a decision
that
since the Universe doesn't care
we shouldn't care
but we still do!

We have emotions
we have feelings
we want to help each other

or do we?

hence, i decided to do this to myself.
*torture, with hauntings of your face
or just
plain torture
Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope
I am tired
very tired
very unhappy
very sad
very unlikely
to do anything
besides cry myself
to sleep.
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