I love you too... I just can't seem to believe it.

I feel weird, I mean I try not to be weird.
I hope you don't think i'm bad weird .
For i'm a total ****** that gets obsessed,
easily miserable and i'm a total mess.
I don't stay upset for long and i'm paranoid.
Paranoid because I don't want to be lost,
to make sure that everything feels right,
to make sure what i'm feeling is right.
Something else with someone doesn't feel like it with you.
Is it weird that i'm writing this poem about you.
I write when I feel something that I just need to express.
I want to see you really laugh and not hear that you've lost interest.
I want to keep you like something I really cherish.
You could be that glasses case with the old glasses and picture in it.
I remember swings and hearing your laughter, it's real,
I could feel it. I try so hard to make the conversation interesting that you really have the feeling you deserve.
The love and laughter and care you deserve.
For I want to be that someone that makes your movie.
The person that grabs you when you walk away
The person that kisses you in the rain.
The person that you share your secrets and insecurities with.
The person that changes you insecurities.
If only you knew I thought about you more than him.
If you only knew what I was thinking.
If only you knew how I feel that there could be a possibility someone else could make you really laugh,
It feels bad.
I don't want to be that psychotic girl, that's obsessed and easily jealous.
I can't have you when I really need you.
It's not want anymore, but need.
I've come to realize I need you.
It's no longer just an attraction but an obsession.
Laughing is the medicine you gave me,
but it only turned into a drug, where laughter wasn't the cure anymore,
but you.
Sigh.
I just want to be reassured that that's how you feel too.
Reassured not once, but a lot of times.
As i'm a girl that is deeply paranoid about things.
Thinking goes overboard and assumptions are crazy.
I don't know if I should show you this or not.
I'm scared of your reaction.
I don't want you to think of me as creepy or annoying.
The feeling is so exciting, so real, so fresh.
*****, a feeling that comes natural to me by you.
That's an inside thing I would never tell you out loud.
That't the reason I cant stare into your eyes,
or have you touch me at certain times.
Your embrace drives me crazy.
Do you think about me that way too.
It's funny that the insecurities you have, is what I like about you.
To be everything you've always wanted, I try.
Is this what it's suppose to feel like?

The Thought of growing older to become nothing.
The embarrassment of failure even when you try something.
Something to make it in life, become a "big shot".
You think you pass, you've made great effort, but you're taken back.
The fear of failure itself allows you to fail.
Being laughed at in the end, no longer head but tail.
There was a time I use to be head,
but now all that's dead.
They lied! They lied! TRY TRY and SUCCEED.
Scholarships, Ivy League, rich, fast cars, to which I feed,
My mind on to be,
They lied, no chance for me.
I've been trying for a long time, Failed me yet.
I study really hard, feel good, still fail? I don't get.
An Ivy League School was where I placed by bet.
but now it seems like there're change of plans, no cars, no money, no fast jet.
I make it known to everyone, my friends and family from now.
If i end up on the road side, no education, and eat with cows.
For education and a life worth living cannot be bought.
I tend to take action of my suicidal thought.

IF FEELING DEPRESSED AFTER  READING THIS POEM ,PLEASE ENSURE TO READ http://perfecttruths.blogspot.com/2014/03/a-word-from-wise.html

It came out of thin air, more like at night.
Just one night changed everything, everything right.
It continued for days, it continued for weeks.
It was a game at first, but now you play for keeps.
It's everything you want, but its so wrong.
It feels so right, the drug that makes you strong.
The insecurities, both related, keeps the feeling like magnets.
Attraction so strong, goes through deep, one text.
The text of a lifetime, future business.
Didn't come with a warning sign, on the forbidden list.
Brought confusion, mixed feelings of love and denial.
Questions, mostly why, only why, just why, love trials.
Don't question the feelings, let it flow like hot magma,
bursting out the earths. Now lava.
Then, it's acid rain, it burns a lot.
Can something ever exist, starting point, the top.
There's no bottom, nothing wrong except for one.
This is a case, meeting adjourned with the job not done.
Paper work makes perfect sense, fits together so well.
Secrets, feelings, words, jokes, Never kiss and tell.
Volcano, hot, steamy, smoking it is.
How could you want, need something you shouldn't have, Strictly Forbidden Business.

Numb, stressed, I'll try my best.
Doubt.... Doubt, I should be doing it, but I wonder about
In my head, in this world. I only remember swirls.
I think I know what I should, but I'm not sure if i'll get it.
I have time, i'll use it, I could. Nah, Forget it.
These are the last set of cards on the table.
My friends and family encouraged me, I am able,
But I want to be more. How could I be more and stay distracted,
Everything that should help is over, I'm on my own now,
Waiting to play my deck of cards. Will I win the big Sum, or lose it all.
The path that happens after, It makes me crawl,
In a shell on the inside. I need more time!
The clock ticks, time's running out.
I play my Queens, Kings and Jack.
They are all in place.
I have one card left. Is it ace?

Not many people are as confident as you.
Black and proud, you have a nice view.
I wish Ii could accept who I am.
My importance or worth or where I stand.

My eyes can see everything too,
but not the same picture. like a cucumber you're cool.
Through your system, you can edit your imaginations.
I'll show my adoration for your wonderful creations.

The way how people want you in their lives and dreams.
Your're an expert at what you do, that's how it seems.
Accepted you are, Not dumb or smart.
No friends needed. Power is your start.
I wish I had the power and confidence you did,
Instead of worrying what people think, have the innocence of a kid.

The joy felt inside the soul when your face appears.
Love at first sights. Sights.
Everytime I see you it is indeed like the first time.
A best friend you are for a while now.
Confession is good for the soul and I must confess what seeing you does to a young one like me.
A young one like you, we fit perfectly together.
Like a father holding his baby for the first time.
Not perfect, but perfect.
The edges that come with smoothe curves define our relationship.
If I ever told this thought to anyone older than me.
I am instantly shunned and cast aside for I have no home training.
Should the heart be cut out and put in a treasure box for safety.
Should I cross emotions out of every book in the world as it never exist, for I am not old enough to feel what the bigger ones feel.
You're wrong. Once she knows what is right or wrong in the world, she should have the ability to feel with humility.
The moment when you can be yourself to your best friend and the one you call your lover.
Then there are days you wonder about age and responsibilty, see we noticed and quite not oblivious to what is going on.
What if the so called high school crush is more than a crush.
What if it is destined at such an age we found ur missing rib, and that crush will be our last crush, and turn out to be our true love after all. True love which we felt from our hearts. True love from the start.