a flame I dare not light
stares back at me
such as the moon above me
looking back at me
past me and through me
through with me
the one you used to know
but look back to see
that's no longer me
both all the things you loved
and hated when we dated

dreading taking me to public places
I can see why now
I've seen for a while now
how you want to just do it
not teach me how
furl your brow
curling me now
unfurling me
show me
that you want to get to know me
say something
say something
don't ghost me you heathen
fighting your demons
as you are cheap
rotten, cheating
stealing my innocence
my breathing
getting choppy
as you're getting messy
clumsy fingers to the strings
slapping away
slapping me away
didn't want me either way
not tomorrow
never today
left a letter
never sent
don't know where the **** it went
just felt bent and broke harder
burnt charocal burns hotter
as my skin melts on the grill tonight
you're really grilling me, alright?
did you think I forgot the fights?
late nights
arguing
until you kissed me goodnight

thanks for ******* me
just hard enough
for me to want you back
but to never take you back

I am soaking my scars in lavender tonight
up past midnight working
everyone is drinking still
a few hours to ****
but my drinks have all been spilled
insides poured out
right side out
somewhat proud
not to be a drunk any more

a few times lately
I want to wake up
but then there I find myself
smoking a cigarette
drinking a cup of coffee

I start thinking about my dreams
but get stuck turning them into daydreams
again feeling filthy as I take another drag
long for another one
wish I didn't after I did
and still go back for more
throat sore from the quiet screaming
it's honestly become demeaning

before I reach for a hit
memories that don't fit
get stuck inside me until it's lit
then I'm stuck as I sit
hit after hit after hit
in my new home
the one I worked for (this time)
the one that's mine (this time)
the one that can't be taken away
as it ticks away, steady beating
not so broken, this time...

this time has got me pressing
moving quick with no hopes of slowing down
I can't stop growing now
this lavender has got me flowing now
showing me how wounds need healing
even after the burn stops hurting,
begins bubbling and starts scaring and peeling
I wrap myself up
tighter and tighter
until the voice within me is screaming
begging me to breathe

I am begging myself to breathe
crying and I heave, heave **!
take me to the Sea
let me plunge
let's get deep
down to the wreckage
where your eyes pop
and your eyes buldge
as the gold litters the ocean floor
mesmirizing how it
glitters and glimmers
you shimmer as I shiver at the sight
of these forgotten treasures
glowing out into the endless darkness
the light of a lifetime illuminates all I thought I left behind
things are not so difficult to look at in this new light
so I remain grateful for what remains of my pain
as the pain is only a phantom of which once broke me down
no longer anchored down by the haunting
of not feeling as though my heart was my own
I see the beauty within what's left
and I won't let it go to waste

so give me time
(this time)

Still cooking for two
When I’m not with you
Not even hungry lately
Happily starving within the craving

I knew today would be different
when my skin turned into hummingbird water
as I sweat my stress out beside you
never wanted to have the memories so close
the ghost of tangiblity brought me back in time.

As I felt myself grow in the place I once broke,
I couldn't help but hope you'd appear before me.
The adoration is fading, but this heart can't get enough
of this cyclical heartache that's hurt me so much.
Loving you is easy when you're not around.
The ghost of you keeps me daydreaming
and I'm lost in the clouds.

I seek sunsets and starlight,
moonlight, walks through the trees.
I seek for your sunflower eyes,
but it's nothing but blue seas.
I'm lost in a dream,
but I can't lose my steam.
My love is bold and waiting,
this time, it's patiently.

oak trees dropping
thorns today
the pine is my friend
no acorns in this shade

the weeds I pulled
left me bleeding

to see you
jaw dropping

to hear you
nearing my end

to feel you
my undoing

so here's to a letter never sent

I found myself crooked,
splayed for you to take.

No longer contorted,
comfortably displayed,
after baked .