An industrial fan drags my hair across my face
As I lean a little down to the slightly-too-short microphone
And with an audience of a few hundred
I begin my protest
Disguised as entertainment
They don't realise what I'm saying,
Not yet,
Not while they're learning the tune,
And my message is still building,
But now -
Now they hear the words
As my backing cuts off
And I am left naked in my beliefs
And I sing, with power
With certainty and hope
For a future I can't change yet
So I can make someone's now
Better.

The first settling snow,
Came late this year,
And the usual dancing was muted,
To little more,
Than a sway.

Once exhilarated,
Our feet this year,
Are heavy, placed and firm,
For no reason more,
Than fear.

A streetlight struggles,
Weakly jabbing at the dark
Making little impression
But the reflection upon that
Solitary flagpole
To a rebellion against
The unphased
Turning of the cosmos.
Its feeble glare
Little more than a haze
Of pale yellow
A smudge upon nothing.

It's too hard sometimes
To keep my heavy eyes
As open as my mind

In this house,
We all scream,
No future,
The world is over,
But nobody noticed.

On this floor,
We all dream,
But no truth,
The end is here,
But nobody cared.

In this room,
We all cry,
No solace,
The present is frozen,
But nobody was looking.

In this life,
We all die
No escape,
The date is set,
But nobody will know.

The applause still echoes in my head,
Close my eyes and their smiles, their tears, their laughter returns.
The 'thank you' sticks in my throat,
I did no more than have fun, but they used that moment,
And made it mean everything,
Made celebration into a statement,
A clarification,
Acceptance, pride.
And as the elation fades, the sun-hazed evening remains,
The shining words whisper in my ear,
The spotlight still warms me and fills my head with freedom.
This is success.
Worked for, bought with effort and
time and stress and plans.
We did it. We did it. We did it.

I've got these itchy feet and they don't want
to stay on the ground
I want to fly, I want to free myself and
burn the house down
And when I'm done I will stand in the wreck
And I'll scream all the words that come into my head

I'm screaming:
Had enough of "Please stop staying up so late"
If I went to bed I couldn't sleep anyway
with all the pain, all the tears
all the blood I've bled
I can't wait for the first hit to reach my head.

Inject the celebration
In our veins: the elevation
Stop bringing me down

There's just one,
Whose beauty fills my mind,
And plays upon my soul,
The perfect melody I find,
In my perfect girl who stole,
My heart and fixed it back together,
And I just want her mine forever,
My girl, my love.

There's just one,
Who keeps me up at night,
Then allows me to sleep,
She makes me feel so right,
She's the one I have to keep,
No matter how far apart we are,
I will always hold her in my heart,
My girl, my love.

There's just one,
Who can wipe away all the,
Shadows and tears,
And pain and fear,
And I cannot keep to structures when I try to express the joy I feel,
Every time her words reach me,
I know my words are not enough to say,
I love her,
So much,
My perfect girl, my love.

Heavy breathing,
Shouts,
Confusion,
Dirt beneath my feet,
Slip,
Catch myself,
Panic,
Turn,
Random direction,
Lost,
Fear,
Then,
Turn,
Find,
The way home.

Catching currents in the dark,
My vision focused only on that eye,
Within, I see she knows.

Her wings barely move,
Yet constantly I turn,
Which way?
The direction seems so meaningless,
Yet I see she knows.

So why?
Where does she take me?
How far and for what purpose?
So many questions:
As constant as the air rushing past my face,
But still no answers,
None but the pull of that eye,
Through which, she knows.

The broken days I left behind
Are paving my steps
And gently crunch beneath my new boots
Becoming as brief as the wind on my face
And as colder days come near
They will be hidden by mud and snow
And washed away with floods
But it won't stop them sticking in my mind
Or slowing my walk to a halt.

Perhaps if I were richer,
We'd be in each others' arms,
If I could afford,
I would be there with you now,
And I would offer you everything,
My heart,
My mind,
My words,
My songs,
All of me I would give,
For the sole purpose,
Of letting your eyes light up,
And seeing you smile,
And laugh.

Perhaps if I were bolder,
I'd have dropped all my plans,
Halted my dreams,
So I could run to you,
And show you how I love you with all,
My heart,
My mind,
My words,
My songs,
Dedicated to you,
To just make you feel,
As precious as you are to me,
For those perfect moments,
Together.

I'm not rich,
Nor bold,
But my life is yours,
For as long as you want it,
I will be there for you,
For you, my Texan girl,
Have won this English 人's,
Everything,
And though far apart,
You'll never lose me.

Antisocial dynamics filling my head
Formulated responses do little against
The brutality of missteps
The unfading of past errors
Mars the thought-strings I spun
And in the end tangle
And tie me to the wrong intention

Am I falling or flying?
The rushing by my ears,
Holds no answers,
Beneath the screaming,
No whisper,
No code,
Just broken cries,
Or cheers?
Maybe I'm scared,
Or surprised,
By myself,
Or something,
More fundamental.
But in my uncertainty,
I catch a glimmer,
And feel the breeze catch,
My battle-worn wings.
Can I ever hope,
To keep my heart aloft?
Or are the holes in my defence,
Enough to render,
Me dead in the air?

A hesitation,
A confused look,
Indecision over what they thought was,
Binary.

A smile,
I'm sorry but,
Don't worry if you're not sure,
I'm glad.

I think you are beautiful
Your smile is radiant
And your eyes are beyond
My own descriptive ability

Your mind is exquisite
Like a finely crafted language
I lack the experience to
Understand but admire anyway

I rushed in and shot myself
Down into the depths of regret
Where now I hunt for some form
Of rewind, restart or retry

I'm far too jealous to express
In any meaningful way how I feel
And what was meant to be a joke
Has cut off all chance of honesty

And in the end I expect your eyes
Will pass over these words but
They will not reach your heart
And I will be left wondering
How to balance friendship,
Care and selfish longing without lying
To my heart.

Were my fingers feathers,
They would let me flee from here,
From feathers into wings,
And wings to lift to flight,
To freedom,
To dreams,
To life.

Am I truly broken?
Or is it just what people say?
Am I truly falling?
Or flying a different way?

Is that why I find it hard?
Because I'm not sure?
But I am sure,
But I'm not sure the rest of the world is sure,
But I'm sure they don't want to be.

I keep saying it hurts,
But that's not it,
It's discomfort,
At other's discomfort.

Shaky steps in brand-new heels I've barely owned a day,
A soft dress around my shoulders, clinging tight to my waist,
No noise as I sit, the stool scraping on the floor,
An echo as I move the microphone to pick my voice up more,
"I'm not actually on stage," I say, more to myself all in all,
I rest my foot upon the pedals, let the first note ring through the hall,
And suddenly I'm playing, I'm saying what I think,
And they all hear, draw near as each finger sinks,
The words I wrote mean far more than faking 'Christmas cheer'
They are mine, my hopes, my plan, my next and next new year,
Take a hand: Dance.

Would you help me?
Would you hold me?
Would you lift me up and be a saviour to me?

Would you listen?
Would you look away?
Would you help a stranger get up off the floor?

Would you hear me?
Would you love me?
Would you pray for me and restore my faith in hope?

I'm hungry and afraid
I'm thirsty and ashamed
Would you give me a reason to
Keep
On
Living?

It's strange,
How even when you know,
What you need to say,
And that saying it,
Will change your life,
Still you can't quite do it,
For so long,
Until you're so sure,
It will be okay,
Even though you knew it would be fine,
The whole time.

I'm sorry I'm a coward,
Forgetful and awkward,
But when you speak to me I'm braver,
And I can't forget your smile.

I'm sorry I worry too much,
And ramble on about nothing,
But when I hear you I know you're safe,
And I'd sit with you in silence forever.

I'm sorry I live so far away,
And I'm sometimes asleep when you call,
But when I see you we could be right there together,
And I stay up for you if I can.

I'm sorry I'm not perfect,
But when you're around it's like the whole world was made,
Just so that we could be in love.

I created a world with my hand,
I built cities,
I grew people,
I gave hope,
I spread happiness,
I cultured love,
Then,
I got bored,
I killed,
I crushed dreams,
I severed bonds,
I inflicted pain,
I ruined lives,
But I loved every second.

So here's to new beginnings,
Acceptance and truth!

Here's to understanding,
Compassion and love!

Here's to the light at the end of the tunnel,
And the journey getting there!

Here's to escaping fear,
Confidence and freedom!

And here's to 2016,
And all it may bring.

In her eyes,
I see molten desire,
A dream held,
To fly,
Further,
And weave,
Stories beyond compare,
Held in that,
Perfectly intricate mind.

The line grows nearer,
I'm reaching, straining to cross,
To take one more step.

Victory draws close,
Half a breath is all it takes,
To win this, or lose.

When lips touch,
Two breaths meet,
Three words shared between,
The two connected souls,
Taste each others' voices,
And hear each others' pulse,
For a moment,
That lasts so long,
Yet passes so quickly.

Take me with you
Beautiful sound
Let me fly as you do
Let me grace others with smiles
Show me a deeper truth
And let me show it to others too
Wash me in waves
Let me drift slowly away
As softly as leaves off trees
As gently as hands touch silk
As lightly as eyes gaze
On the face of beauty

Music take me as your own

This feud should never have been
Yet now it has taken over everything
And stands between us and stability
Like a wall we couldn't afford to build
But did anyway.

This hatred has no base but in his
Jealousy and frustrated lashing-outs
Against whoever it was that ruined
His chances (Apart from him,
Who is not to blame)

Between the branches of a tree,
A single scrap of sky,
The pale blue is waning,
Lost to the night's tide.
And buried far beneath,
An eternity of existence
Stretching out the colours,
And fading into distance.
So far now,
Yet held close,
By mind, not matter.

Air devoid of feeling,
Stale discontent,
Flashes on the back of my eyelids,
Echoes in my head.

A song with no meaning,
Or none to be heard,
A fire in my belly,
But no passion, only burns.

Fear contained by anger,
Stress obscured by grief,
My heart and tongue are drying,
My tears are no relief.

They cannot dampen the pain,
Only add salt into the wound.

Drift over skies of falling hearts,
Let your hand trace the ripples in their reflection,
Dreams beneath your feet,
Lives behind your eyes,
Curses on your breath,
Watch the tears sail by on broken clouds,
And hear their cries,
But do not fear their lies,
For on their lips grows deceit,
But in your soul,
A burning joy,
That keeps you sane,
Let it.

A CD is as good a bat as any
But nothing beats the kayak paddle
Or the one-hit-wonder bicycle helmet
That decimated the feather duster.

Did you hear they took him?
They took him yesterday,
They ripped him from his family
And they made him run away.

Did you hear her calling?
Calling for God's love,
She screamed and wore her throat out
For something from above.

Did you hear the gunshot?
Ringing in the night,
It struck them both and killed them
For searching for the light.

Did you hear it coming?
Or did you just pretend
That their lives didn't matter
Not even at the end?

Did you hear it's over?
I'm sorry, that's not true
The suffering keeps on going
Because it isn't you.

Did you hear a nation?
Falling to their knees,
They crumbled from the inside,
So stop this madness - please.

What could be a jewel, rolling on the water,
Gliding on the surface,
Unobstructed, no rock nor branch interferes,
No ripple adjusts its path.

The jewel is an orb,
At one with the silk of a soft stream.
It glistens, drifting in no hurry,
Calmly downstream, round a bend, behind the bank.
Gone.

In wishful moments,
I would sing,
And on my breath,
I'd hear the echoes of wings,
And feathers floating away,
Up,
Beyond eye-line,
Past focus,
And I'd follow my voice,
Through storm and snow and silence,
Into the sky I know I need.

I’m sorry that I look so down
I’m sorry that I wear this frown
I’m sorry but the pain’s too strong
I’m sorry I can’t wait that long
I’m sorry about the scars I’ve made
I’m sorry I can’t make them fade
I’m sorry I did this to you
I’m sorry I can’t make it through

Release; valve
Let purest rage fill the air
Breathe; fall
In death and pain all’s fair

Screaming skin,
Shaking hands,
Is this the last time the tears land?
Burning up,
Muscles weak,
Is this the last time till next week?
It hasn’t helped me once before,
At least this time I know what I’m in for.

I've lost hope again,
As so many times before,
But eyes opened now.

Unrelenting joy radiates,
That smile never leaves,
He takes no notice of pain,
Just laughing again,
No fear of future,
In present, bright,
Any past mistakes
Disintegrate at will,
And in this cynical world,
He seems...naïve,
But our dismissal,
Makes no dent in his
Elated existence.

We put our teenage lives on hold
And played like we were twenty
We went through phases
With every change of clothes
We sat outside, talked and felt alive,
And wasted our nights
Just to get back at life.

I'm not afraid to admit the truth,
Though am scared of what you'll say.

I won't avoid being honest.
Just because people have told me I should lie.

I refuse to live in secret, no matter the cost,
My soul is open to both change and attack.

I will not hate you for hating me,
But I live in hope that you might one day understand.

Blood rushing quickly, tickling the walls of my heart
A breath, a whisper, a shudder through my nerves,
A feeling, like a breeze through my chest.
Certainty, terrifying certainty
Here. Here is my home.
A place I've barely known for more than a snapshot of time.
Yet this place fell upon me like a roof above my head
And sheltered me like a blessing,
Here. Here I must stay

I must miss the chaos,
Or the promise of surprise,
Or the perfect excuse to relax.
Why else would I feel so lost now I know where I'm going?
I wanted to be missing,
Searching,
Wandering with no goal,
But now all those mysteries I craved have been solved.
I know how to get there now,
I recognise each step,
Like a path I've walked before,
Not at home,
But maybe an early morning in Ireland,
Where we stayed for a while,
Where I used to wander,
Like remembering a picture,
But not quite sure when it was,
Each step feels like that.
Like a memory,
Not a journey.

How to describe the way the sun filters through leaves?
How it ripples like waves,
Like a dance of shades of green,
The patches of dark and light seep onto the
Cream-coloured page of this notebook,
And a perfect negative of sprawling branches,
Rests upon these words.

Keeping all thoughts
On the business of entertainment
Standing in my corner
A paper cup warming
My hands and the steam
Thawing my lips after the winter
Chill became too strong.

To me this is not a
Social group but a place of
Working harder than
Anyone else to become
Better, more convincing
A liar for the sake of
Five days of glory.

I will be the best I
Can be but I will
Forget their names,
And know them only
As their puppets.

We are broken, we are weary,
We are burdened by our fear,
We are searching for support,
But our allies disappear.

There is no use in pretending,
That the road we walk is short,
We can't let one setback stop us,
We must keep our goal in thought.
Don't give in,
We can win,
We must keep on believing.

I'm slipping away,
Beyond sleep,
Past slumber,
Further,
To reach,
Her voice,
Which gleams,
Like golden thread.