Parsavagely Kompenere: Poems

239 · Jun 2015

Excuse

Parsavagely Kompenere Jun 2015

Excuse

Breathing heavily,
Then spluttered screams,
Then broken cries,
And shattered bones,
Spilling blood,
Spears of pain,
Tight throats,
Death.

Don't blame me,
It's always been this way.

239 · Apr 2016

Go somewhere

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2016

Go somewhere

Could we go somewhere?
Would it be running from life?
Should that be the way?

239 · Jan 2015

One month

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2015

One month

Every day,
For a month,
I have tried to write,
From my heart,
Through my hands,
Onto paper made from light,
Though I found,
It hard at times,
I think it's gone alright,
And I hope,
You have enjoyed,
Joining my mind's flight,
Your words for mine
Have kept me smiling,
And helped keep my heart bright,
So thank you all,
And I hope you'll stay,
To see tomorrow's flame ignite.

239 · Feb 2017

Backstage

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2017

Backstage

A rush, panic
nothing calm or sure
as if we hadn't done this ten,
twenty, thirty times before and
now a prop's missing
a line's dropped
but no-one let on,
the show musn't stop
for our touch-ups of makeup to
make us look worn
a fake limp - a real one,
a tired shirt torn,
coins on the table,
ribbon in my hair,
waistcoat, tie, jacket and
a deadly stare - there's
no time to wallow
in success or mistake
the stage is a world
and we only get one take.

239 · May 2015

Easier?

Parsavagely Kompenere May 2015

Easier?

If I chose to leave it,
Just give up now and live,
Just as expected by others,
Then it would be easier.

That's what I'm told,
That's why people ask "Why?"
Because they honestly believe,
It would be easier.

But they don't understand that,
In reality it would be easier,
But only for everyone else,
It wouldn't be easier,

For me.
It would fill me with self-hatred,
And dissatisfaction with,
Who I am pretending to be.

There is no choice,
There is no easy way out,
This is me,
And I'm not going to change,
Unless I want to.

239 · Sep 2016

Hierarchy

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2016

Hierarchy

Run away,
Little fly,
Your wings can't help you now.

Run away,
Little spider,
Eight legs won't let you out.

Run away,
Little bird,
Your feathers aren't that strong.

Run away,
Little cat,
Your legs are not that long.

Run away,
Little beast,
You're not smart enough.

Run away,
Little girl,
His hands are far too rough.

Run away,
Little man,
You think you'll get away?

Run away,
Little king,
Your crown won't keep you safe.

Run away,
Little town,
I'll burn your hopes for free.

Run away,
Little monster,
Your teeth and fire don't scare me.

Run away,
Little god,
Your "wars" are little brawls.

Run away,
My children,
I pull the strings of you all.

239 · Aug 2017

Missed

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2017

Missed

Perhaps time has stood still
Or I am waiting too long
But I cannot bring myself to leave
When regret hangs so heavy in the air
And I force myself to believe
It can still be sorted
And I can be redeemed
Perhaps I am thinking too much of myself
When I decided to make apology
But now I will blame myself not only for my pain
But any also that she received.

238 · Mar 2017

Ventilate

Parsavagely Kompenere Mar 2017

Ventilate

Throat closing as we
Join the
Motorway
Vision blurring
Losing feeling
Oxygen blocked
Panic growing
But lost
Caring
Too much
Going through
My brain
But too
Slow
To understand

237 · Feb 2016

Shades of night

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Shades of night

Why are my eyes widest in the dark?
When there's less to see,
No light to see by,
I strain to see the details.

As the shadows creep across and pull the curtains closed,
I find subtly lighter shades of night,
Paint colours far more vivid,
Than the tones of daytime.

The harder it is to see, the more truth the dark reveals,
The tighter fatigue's fingers wrap round my waist,
The more I want her embrace,
And soon I'm smothered in purest black,
Where I feel at home,
At peace,
Until the crack of dawn sends me to sleep.

236 · Jan 2016

Axis

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2016

Axis

In my grieving,
The world lost hope.

In my lying,
The world ran scared.

In my stillness,
The world moved on.

In my hiding,
The world forgot me.

In my smiling,
No one was left.

236 · Jun 2016

I am pretty

Parsavagely Kompenere Jun 2016

I am pretty

Those eyes look back at me,
Softer than I remember,
Brighter than I thought.

That slight smile I've wanted for so long,
Smiles back at me,
Lips shining where the light catches them.

My skin looks just smooth enough,
My jaw not so harsh,
My cheeks pale.

My head tilted at just the right angle,
My hand in just the right place,
And for that moment I can truly believe:
I am pretty.

236 · Dec 2015

Optimism

Parsavagely Kompenere Dec 2015

Optimism

Shaking hands,
Shaky heart,
Shaken mind,
Will not stop me,
From smiling again,
Dancing again,
Laughing again,
Even when things aren't,
Easy to deal with,
Simple to cope with,
Painless to live with,
Because I am stronger,
Than my mistakes,
Than bitter stabs,
And hateful words.

236 · Apr 2016

Shut down

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2016

Shut down

Determined,
But far too weak to keep eyes,
Fixed on what they need,
To see to keep,
Working,
And instead,
My body lets down my mind,
And shuts
Down.

236 · Apr 2017

Queen

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2017

Queen

Lord you are the queen of my heart,
I am your daughter,
Invited into your royal house,
A place I don't deserve,
And invited to share my place
To share a wondrous gift
Allow those I love to be loved
More than I could ever love them
Alone

236 · Aug 2015

Can't you?

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2015

Can't you?

I am not afraid to own up to the fact,
That I have ****** things up enough,
For a thousand lifetimes.

And I am not afraid to accept the fact,
That the **** I've done,
Has hurt enough people,
And shed enough blood,
To send me straight to hell.

And I am not afraid to admit to the fact,
That no matter how many times I try to make up for it,
My soul is ******,
My mind is ******,
And my heart is ******.

But if a ****** up ******* like me,
Is still able to accept that some people are different,
And is still able to love them for who they are,
And doesn't judge people for where they came from or who they love,
Then why can't you?

236 · Apr 2016

Pointless things

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2016

Pointless things

I do not have an empty mind,
It's just filled with pointless things:

Beauty, music, the smell of the air,
The shades of blossom and grass,
Romantic feelings, laughter and smiles,
The sound the birds make in spring,
Flowers and words to describe them,
Hope, ambition, inspiration,
The way sunlight glints on leaves,
How I feel, how I wish I felt,
What I want to do with my life,
Who I am.

Pointless.

236 · Apr 2015

Desperate Souls [Part 4]

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2015

Desperate Souls [Part 4]

I watched her go.
She was right there in front of me until...
She wasn't.
I didn't say a word,
Just stood there and witnessed the warmth leave her lungs.
I couldn't even hold her hand,
I wish I had.
For a month I cried,
But every tear that fell only fuelled the angry flames within me.
Soon I was a puppet,
Forgetting empathy,
Addicted to hate.
And his frail body took the pain of my despair.
I saw him almost break,
Then learn to take it.
I didn't notice him grow up...
Until he ran.
Then I saw how much he had changed,
How far we had drifted apart,
Or rather,
How far I drove him away.
The bottle in my hand does not excuse me for that.
I know.
But.
I think I've gone too far now.
She told me to look after him.
I promised...Oh God!
I betrayed her!
And him.

#pain #death #abuse #son #betrayal

235 · Aug 2016

Angel's key

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2016

Angel's key

Turning of shadows,
By mechanical means,
Serrated edges,
Cogs, screws and strings,
Form fractals of unknown symmetry,
On eternally ancient masonry.

A screeching, a scratching,
Of claws on walls,
Of screams to escape,
Grinding of brutal doors,
Revealing boiling myth-born beasts,
Commencing destructive ritual,
Malevolent black-heart spiritual.

The voices scream,
Chaos reigns,
Angelic faith initiates,
Falling clockwork teeth,
Carving scars from perfect wings.

234 · Aug 2015

Now-distant

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2015

Now-distant

The time is dripping slowly,
As dew falls from webs,
In the now-distant winter mornings,
When I would run to my place,
My haven,
My safety,
As fast as I could,
But still the time dripped slowly,
As the words I heard,
In the now-silent whispers of spring breeze,
When I would stop and stare,
At beauty,
At water,
That ran as fast as it could,
And yet the time will drip slowly,
As the emptiness of summer days,
In the too-long months of not knowing,
When I will lose myself,
Lose hope,
Lose sanity,
Waiting for those drips of long-lost time to fall.

234 · Dec 2015

Orb

Parsavagely Kompenere Dec 2015

Orb

The orb glows,
Grows,
Glares and flares,
Boils and bursts,
Behind my eye,
Blinds my mind,
To the dark,
Dazzles me senseless,
Into a glorious moment,
A ****** of A silver
Sliver of hope,
Of happiness numbed,
Of pain.

But too bright,
The glass shatters,
Breaks my joy,
In two,
Once again,
And my mind shuts down,
And drowns in its own misery,
And goes to sleep.

234 · Sep 2015

The song of: Yes!

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2015

The song of: Yes!

To the precisely tuned notes,
And harmonies,
Came the song of:
Yes!
It's me at last!
In that mirror smiling back,
Choking on her tears of joy,
Stood a girl.
A girl!
Me!

234 · Jul 2016

Angel/Demon

Parsavagely Kompenere Jul 2016

Angel/Demon

These words are not what they say,
Beneath their skin lies ****** truth,
Of twisted intent, forced subversion,
Encased in some meaningless shell.

These eyes are not what they seem,
Behind their lenses a world is seen,
With such contempt and such,
Attention to wicked detail.

These hands are not how they feel,
They have reached into souls,
And ripped them to shreds,
In an instant of barbaric honesty.

Demons live in angels,
None are free from dark,
Some can hide from light,
Demons are angels,
When the light
turns
off
.

234 · Dec 2014

Dreams

Parsavagely Kompenere Dec 2014

Dreams

The only time you don't lie to yourself

#dream #sleep #lie

233 · Nov 2015

(In)Visible

Parsavagely Kompenere Nov 2015

(In)Visible

I long for invisibility.
For no-one to notice,
or look twice.

But also for the truth
of visibility.

To allow me to shine,
honestly transparent,
and let me be seen without fear.

To be subtly
but clearly
different
from anyone else.

233 · Feb 2016

Staedtler

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Staedtler

This stolen-or-found pencil writes
Far more smoothly than any keyboard
Or any pen of my own
So sterile
With no past
No stories to tell but
This...
This lead is filled
With memories
With sights and sounds
Of journeys
Of places I've never seen
Inspiration beyond any truth
From imagination moments

233 · Jun 2016

Warzone I

Parsavagely Kompenere Jun 2016

Warzone I

A child's scream,
But no child's lungs,
Produced the grating sound.

Fear is laced,
Upon the air,
And seeps into the ground.

Shots ring out,
And feet pound,
As mothers rush to their sons.

Explosions rip,
Their hearts in two,
Their lives the price for guns.

232 · May 2017

Even Now [4]

Parsavagely Kompenere May 2017

Even Now [4]

It seems we're slipping backwards,
Losing ground, footing, power,
And all the voices, all the opinions,
All the beliefs that shout the loudest
Keep shouting over us
Keep snapping back at us
Keep their hands on our mouths.

But we have marched before,
We will march again,
And our numbers only grow.

It seems we're at the mercy,
Of the polls, or the pundits,
Or the column writers
Or the political correspondents
Whose platforms give them high ground
From which to stamp at our climbing hands.

But we have marched before,
We will march again,
And our numbers only grow.

It seems we're fading away,
Like we were no more than
Dust blown off an old view
An old way of doing things
But we will not settle,
We cannot settle,
For our duty is worth more
Than a few pence a month.

We have marched before,
We will march again,
And keep marching,
Until we are unstoppable.

232 · Sep 2016

Audition

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2016

Audition

In an instant this space grows walls,
And their eyes fade from sight,
And the floor is stained
With the blood and memories of friends
I could have known.
And echoes of their voices,
Living in the wood.
And every imagined moment
We spent together
Becomes a last farewell.

231 · May 2017

The Air [2]

Parsavagely Kompenere May 2017

The Air [2]

And she never said a word
Without the sound of music in her head
She never gave her heart
Until she knew her blood was red
She tried to open up
But couldn't give enough
Until she found herself on the keys.

231 · May 2016

Write through the spring

Parsavagely Kompenere May 2016

Write through the spring

The endless blue has hidden again,
Cowered behind the grey,
Though yesterday bold,
Now shy and afraid to be seen.

American spring has gone back home,
The British clouds back,
To take control,
And remind us we are a kingdom, not states.

Laid-back afternoons are over now,
Making way for the stress of reality,
No time to close your eyes,
No time to look around,
Sit at a desk and write through the spring,
Ignore the seasons,
Sit and write what they say.

231 · Sep 2016

Catchy

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2016

Catchy

A tune in my head
A tapping of fingers
And feet grows stronger

Made up words
That made you cry
And laugh all at once

A love song
For a muse yet to come
And yet to care for me

A new anthem
For strangers to hear
And sing along themselves

Connections
Need rough edges
And a broken surface

So show my dark side
And know yours isn't so bad
And you're not the only one

231 · Oct 2015

The Price of Life

Parsavagely Kompenere Oct 2015

The Price of Life

How far would I go to save you?
How many risks would I take?
How much would I give up to make you smile?
How many lives would I sacrifice for just one?
For just yours?

As far as it took, it would be worth it,
As many as it took, it would be worth it,
As much as it took, it would be worth it,
All those sacrifices, it would be worth it,
For you.

231 · May 2017

Rag-Doll

Parsavagely Kompenere May 2017

Rag-Doll

So many options hurtle through my mind
Latching themselves to logic for no more than pit stops
Ideas dive through chicanes
And screech around hairpins
And always returning to the same place:
Panic.

As each passes I try to leap aboard
To cling on to speeding concepts
But I am either knocked to the ground
Or flung to the side
And crumple into a rag-doll of
Confusion.

But lying here, wrecked, I lose sight of the race
For a while, the sky, the grass, the air all stand still,
My vision returns, filled now with clarity
Colours contrast and no longer fade
And simply, in the midst of my mistake:
Peace.

231 · Apr 2016

Serious

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2016

Serious

"Stop making me giggle,"
He can't stay serious,
We can't stay serious,
Never a moment longer than a breath,
Wasted with the necessity,
Of words not painted with gold
Smiles.

230 · Feb 2016

The open door [Part 3]

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

The open door [Part 3]

Try to pull away,
One foot breaks from the shadows,
But no strength remains.

230 · Oct 2015

Pledge

Parsavagely Kompenere Oct 2015

Pledge

I am not who you say I am,

I do not fit in boxes,
Except the ones,
I made for myself.

I am not for you to label:
"Fragile" or "Handle with care",
I'll tell you:
"This way up" and "Do not crush".

I will not conform to stereotypes,
Or another one's ideals,
Just to keep them happy,
At my expense.

I am not an anomaly,
A statistic or a test subject,
I do not need examining,
Or curing,
Or filling with drugs.

I will not judge,
On appearance,
And neither should you.

I am not who you say I am,
I am who I say I am,
And I will tell you in my own time.

230 · Jan 2016

Chimes

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2016

Chimes

The clock's calling
Time to let go
No more falling
Let the blood flow
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip

230 · Aug 2017

A Reason To Hate Me

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2017

A Reason To Hate Me

Every glance I see as a scan
An examination probing for my weak points
Looking to expose my secrets
And reveal the things I hide

I know, of course, most care little
If at all,
Of the width of my shoulders
And the line of my neck

And yet I find myself afraid
That someone may see through me
Notice me in the crowd
And find in the folds of my dress
A reason to hate me.

230 · Sep 2016

Made fragile

Parsavagely Kompenere Sep 2016

Made fragile

Shimmered clouds drip from green needles,
Hanging between the air,
Twisting to follow their jade guide,
And frozen in fine mist,
Clinging to each silver line,
Held in place,
Reinforced into shining wheels,
Soft as air, strong as steel,
Shaken by shallow breath,
A firm grip made fragile.

230 · Feb 2016

Speck in the sun

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Speck in the sun

Light's touch is known only
When shadows run
And cower, flee and hide

Life seems bright only
When dark times are gone
And no nightmares are held inside

Love is found only
When eyes see more than
The mess that man leaves behind

But dark can be only
A speck in the sun
When she is by my side.

230 · Mar 2017

Figurehead

Parsavagely Kompenere Mar 2017

Figurehead

So it's time to hide again,
Behind a broken figurehead,
Dust off the mask and wear it
Not proud, ashamed,
But not allowed to show it,
So I'll let the mask hold my tears,
And shed them at home.

230 · Dec 2015

The wrong lane

Parsavagely Kompenere Dec 2015

The wrong lane

Stuck in the wrong lane,
Swerving with indecision,
Cut off on all sides.

229 · Feb 2016

What he wants

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

What he wants

A finger traces my jaw,
A whisper nudges my ear,
A rustling, a word, a hint,
I know.

A hand on my arm,
A breath trickles down my neck,
Closer he crawls, a touch,
I know.

A kiss on my cheek,
As I close my eyes and imagine,
Myself away, free, but
I know.

He will get what he wants,
Again.

229 · Jan 2017

We're all mental

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2017

We're all mental

All my friends need medication
I need injections to stay me
And everyone around me's in love with insanity
The deluded speak the truth
They see the world as it is
Cause really life is dark and bleak and ****

229 · Apr 2017

Return to the Mask

Parsavagely Kompenere Apr 2017

Return to the Mask

Flicking through yellowed pages
Of words written by younger hands
Of tormented scrawlings
Of tear-soaked memories
And love-eyed tales of autumn
Hoping to find something new
In what mattered back then
Or how the world looked
When seen through a mask

228 · Jun 2017

Forgone Fates

Parsavagely Kompenere Jun 2017

Forgone Fates

Such a sad world
The sky weeps
The earth screams
Where such a marriage
Of shackles and the blind
Seep into the air
Only whispers remain
Of days before hearts froze
Of time before the bind
In destined ruin
Forgone fates cry out
Empty voices in the dark
Insistence pours into
Virtue cracked and crumbled
Upon Agony's altar

228 · Jul 2015

Pay your debts

Parsavagely Kompenere Jul 2015

Pay your debts

Bite me cold
Or crush me whole
For underfoot I stamp on souls
Of those that went the wrong way.

Steal my life,
All I know is strife
And the taste of a ****** knife,
When they knew not the right words to say

Burn my mind
All you left behind
Who still couldn't find
The means to pay

Your debts will torture you
As they have me
Fair?

228 · Jun 2015

What the dark holds [Part-1]

Parsavagely Kompenere Jun 2015

What the dark holds [Part-1]

She can't see,
Her eyes are not covered,
But no light reaches them.

She can't move,
Her arms are not held,
But they do not obey her.

She can't cry,
Her lips do not smile,
But she cannot release the tears.

She can't feel,
Her heart is not cold,
But it will not break down its walls.

She is broken,
And terrified,
"Who's there?"

"Anyone?"

"I'm scared."

*"Of what, my dear?"

228 · Feb 2016

Save the moment

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Save the moment

.                            Their eyes scan,
searching for some
                          sight with more meaning than just an image.

Then eyes to the page and screen, hands to the cold.
Focus on some impossible feeling that could never quite
make it to the paper without
                                                    disruption.

                                                        And eyes close, forming truths.
                                          How best to commit the scent, sound or colour?
                                              How to restore an idea -  a concept so clear
                                                       in their minds but none besides?

The right word - eyes fix, then
               jump and dart,
                             away from those half-formed thoughts - then
               back, return to the same place, the same moment that was
               but then never was again.
That moment that would be lost, but for the words so
desperately scrawled.

228 · Aug 2015

Doubt

Parsavagely Kompenere Aug 2015

Doubt

Am I hiding?
Can you see me or not?
Did I run or just fall away?
Am I gliding?
Can my wings keep me up?
Have I broken myself just to say:
I am different?