Parsavagely Kompenere: Poems

You'll be fine when...
Eternal lie...
Waiting never...
Made anyone feel...
Better...
Once you've...you'll feel different
Cruel promise...
Aiming the wrong way...
Won't get any closer...
To truth...
Just a phase*
Dismissal...
Will not help...
Denial is...
Pointless

Mar 2016 · 495

Cracked stones

Parsavagely Kompenere Mar 2016

Cracked stones

The cracked stones I step on,
By time forced apart,
The roads that I walk down,
Reflect my broken heart,
The places I once loved just make me,
Want to go back to the start,
When the stones and roads you walked on,
Were as precious as art.

The time that passed,
May have made me change,
And after years and months,
I know I'm not the same,
But a piece of my soul,
Will always remain,
Untouched, unbroken,
Where she will stay.

Her eyes will not leave the back of my mind,
Not for long,
But that's okay,
She opened mine.

walk down

Mar 2016 · 291

A Sunny Day in Winter

Parsavagely Kompenere Mar 2016

A Sunny Day in Winter

The clouds are purer white, and spread across the sky,
The sun can breathe a gentle hush of hope into my eye -
A simple hint that this
may be more than just a glimpse,
That I may see the spring and summer again before I die.

But when the days are bright, I feel worse come the night,
When the sun has left me all alone to trust my straining sight.
The shadows in my room,
The closing sense of doom,
I have no spirit left to fight and no way left to keep the light.

So though the air is pure, and birds are singing for
the end of winter, start of spring, there's no way to be sure,
That I will make it through
to see another June,
Or that I will not end my evening by bleeding on the floor.

Mar 2016 · 626

Illusion

Parsavagely Kompenere Mar 2016

Illusion

Lying on my back
Watching the stars
In the raindrops on my window
And seeing an infinity
Of darkness but knowing
I am tricking myself
Into some deep hidden wish
That there could be another
Universe within our own
One that no-one else would know
One where I could be alone
And gaze at the stars
For hours
Alone.

Mar 2016 · 325

Little things

Parsavagely Kompenere Mar 2016

Little things

Mar 2016 · 266

Signs

Parsavagely Kompenere Mar 2016

Signs

On my arms rest the signs,
The sting of past events,
Bitter blood and a shattered soul,
Sung my hushed lament.

In my eyes dwells the dark,
The lifeless, cold contempt,
Hopeless heart, falling face,
Reflected - I resent.

In my heart flow the tears,
The self-hating rips straight through,
Paling pulse, frantic fingers,
I am torn in two.

Mar 2016 · 394

Freeze-frame

Parsavagely Kompenere Mar 2016

Freeze-frame

Frozen white falling,
Clings stubbornly to trees,
A border, a blank accent,
Winter's substitute for leaves.

The pencil lines of branches,
Faint enough to be erased,
The ground off-white whitewash,
The sky a mix of greys.

The world seems hushed and silent
But for flakes cascading down,
A still, a frame, a picture,
Of a dull sub-urban town.

Mar 2016 · 270

Cannibal

Parsavagely Kompenere Mar 2016

Cannibal

In the glint of a mutilated,
cannibalised razor head,
A promise: Release.

But no comfort is found
in the bent, brutal metal
that breaks the skin
of an already broken girl.

Feb 2016 · 234

The open door [Part 3]

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

The open door [Part 3]

Try to pull away,
One foot breaks from the shadows,
But no strength remains.

Feb 2016 · 215

The open door [Part 2]

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

The open door [Part 2]

So close the smell now,
Fresh, new blossom - just a hint,
But just out of reach.

Feb 2016 · 219

The open door [Part 1]

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

The open door [Part 1]

A door in the dark,
I'm reaching through for freedom,
But snagged on the way.

Feb 2016 · 300

Am I a waste?

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Am I a waste?

"You're always on your phone"
Talking someone out of suicide
"You're up too late"
Talking myself out of suicide
"You write too much"
To let the pain out
"Make time"
Where from?
"Focus on school"
*What about my happiness?

Feb 2016 · 369

Title role

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Title role

Death and endings
and broken friendships
fill those paperback walls.
Fear mixed with love
and running and crying,
ink's running as fast as tears fall.

Hope and twists
and unexpected diversions
are twisting my mind back and forth.
Other lives and dreams
and innocent bystanders
are pointless as I matter more.

Why was I chosen?
Why my voice and mind?
Why must my life be broken as I watch the world unwind?
Whose hands on the strings?
Whose story do I tell?
All I know, I must show you, and you must listen well.

Feb 2016 · 331

The Same Angle

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

The Same Angle

How can I be there,
When not a single feather grows on my back?
And my lungs are not strong enough?
I cannot fly nor swim,
Such a distance without wings nor gills.

To me the stars seem closer,
As if travelling across light-years and back,
Would be quicker than to cross the ocean.
After all, neither can see the other,
But we both gaze at those distant lights.

Were I to fly or swim to meet her,
What would I say?
What would she say?
Perhaps it would not matter,
After all, for the first time,
We could marvel at the universe from the same angle.

And words would not be important.

Feb 2016 · 249

Find my way

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Find my way

Squinting between the rushing bodies,
for some way to go,
some place I know.
But still I'm alone,
afraid, breathing
too fast, my
heart beating,
too fast, the
crowds moving,
too fast, and
pushing too
hard. I don't -
I don't know where I am. I -
I don't know where I'm going. I just -
I want to go home now but I don't know -
I don't know how to get there. Please won't
someone help me?
Anyone?
Please.
No use.

Feb 2016 · 229

Sorry if sometimes

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Sorry if sometimes

I'm sorry if sometimes,
I can't smile,
It doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

I'm sorry if sometimes,
I can't feel safe,
I'm just not sure quite where I belong.

I'm sorry if sometimes,
It sounds as though,
I've given up all hope of light.

Because I'm sorry, but sometimes,
Words cannot drag me free,
From the unending, pain-filled night

Feb 2016 · 500

Not sad enough

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Not sad enough

These words will not be sad enough,
Until the ink's run a little from the tears,
Nor will they be weak enough,
Unless they are as shaky as my hand,
They will not be desperate enough,
Until they fill every corner of the page,
Searching for hope which is not there.

For K

Feb 2016 · 394

Take it all

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Take it all

Take the pieces of my broken heart,
If you want them,
Take each tear-drop as I fall apart,
If you want them,
Take all the words I wrote to you,
If you want them,
Take the songs I sang for you,
If you want them,
Because though I know you cannot belong with me,
I give everything I have to you,
And I hope that will at least make you smile,
Just once

For K

Feb 2016 · 282

Last ember

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Last ember

The final glow fades,
Leaving only broken coals,
To crumble and die.

Feb 2016 · 234

What he wants

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

What he wants

A finger traces my jaw,
A whisper nudges my ear,
A rustling, a word, a hint,
I know.

A hand on my arm,
A breath trickles down my neck,
Closer he crawls, a touch,
I know.

A kiss on my cheek,
As I close my eyes and imagine,
Myself away, free, but
I know.

He will get what he wants,
Again.

Feb 2016 · 248

Something

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Something

There's something at the window,
Something waking in the night,
Something in the kitchen,
Something's turning out the light,
Something's foot on the floorboards,
Something's hand on the door,
Something getting closer,
Something louder, something more
than just something in my eye,
Or something made up in my head,
Not just something I imagined,
I can hear the something's breath,
Now there's something on my shoulder,
Something cold in my side -

And now it doesn't matter,
Something hurt me and I died.

Best read fast and rhythmically (or not, maybe it works better some other way)

Feb 2016 · 240

Shades of night

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Shades of night

Why are my eyes widest in the dark?
When there's less to see,
No light to see by,
I strain to see the details.

As the shadows creep across and pull the curtains closed,
I find subtly lighter shades of night,
Paint colours far more vivid,
Than the tones of daytime.

The harder it is to see, the more truth the dark reveals,
The tighter fatigue's fingers wrap round my waist,
The more I want her embrace,
And soon I'm smothered in purest black,
Where I feel at home,
At peace,
Until the crack of dawn sends me to sleep.

Feb 2016 · 234

Early bloom

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Early bloom

The simple pleasure,
Of feeling my hair,
Move around in the wind,
Which carries on its breath,
The sweet sound of my name.

To know that as stranger's eyes,
Glance at me,
They see the same person,
As I see in my head,
Without a second look.

To feel the freedom in my legs,
The spring in my step,
Blossom under my feet,
Too early, perhaps, but the winter has been mild,
And my heart did not freeze.

Feb 2016 · 252

Cliff face

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Cliff face

The smoothest screams carve faces in these cliffs,
And wrinkles as they age,
Become cracks and gaping holes,
That before long collapse in on themselves,
Until those eyes of rock and dirt,
Cry from hollow shells.

Feb 2016 · 213

Stone tree

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Stone tree

A trunk of limestone strong and high, splits to stretching branches,
   Those stones were set, so long ago but still will hold such weight.
      Could they have known when those ancient hands,
Set this pillar firm and new?
That after centuries,
Still they'd stand,
Still strong and
Straight and true.
And even now,
Though old and
Worn, those gazes
Question: How?
Such wonder fills
Every eye which
Looks upon the
Polished bark,
Smoothed by
Mortal hands not
Nature's breath
That will never
Know such pain
As death or the
Feet or nest of
A crow or lark.
And who can
Say how many
Years, decades,
Centuries from
Now the last
Stone will decay?
When will that
          Final rock
crumble
               back to dust?
When it does,
will anyone
know what           beauty
it once was?
And will those
                         hands that
placed the
                                    first stone
finally
sleep and rest?

Feb 2016 · 250

All but one

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

All but one

There are few eyes,
Which catch mine as yours,
Call my gaze.

There are few hands,
Which lift me as yours,
From the shade.

There are few smiles,
Which warm me as yours,
Lights a blaze.

There is no heart,
I could love but yours,
Keeps me alive.

Feb 2016 · 307

Perhaps...

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Perhaps...

Perhaps I could have told you,
In a moment when nothing mattered more,
Than your fingers in my hand,
Or your head on my shoulder.

Perhaps in that mix of dark and laughter.
And shouting to be heard,
I could have let myself,
Say the words in my head.

Perhaps when blinded from consequence,
When fear of failure did not cross my mind,
I could have been honest,
And whispered a kiss on your lips.

For K

Feb 2016 · 235

Save the moment

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Save the moment

.                            Their eyes scan,
searching for some
                          sight with more meaning than just an image.

Then eyes to the page and screen, hands to the cold.
Focus on some impossible feeling that could never quite
make it to the paper without
                                                    disruption.

                                                        And eyes close, forming truths.
                                          How best to commit the scent, sound or colour?
                                              How to restore an idea -  a concept so clear
                                                       in their minds but none besides?

The right word - eyes fix, then
               jump and dart,
                             away from those half-formed thoughts - then
               back, return to the same place, the same moment that was
               but then never was again.
That moment that would be lost, but for the words so
desperately scrawled.

Feb 2016 · 307

Blurred bliss

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Blurred bliss

In
blurry
mornings
Before eyes are conscious
Before my thoughts connect
That steam, that aroma
Is simple bliss
To stumbling minds.

Feb 2016 · 469

Centuries Cost

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Centuries Cost

They stand, patient,
The world so young in their eyes,
To them years pass as days,
Seasons no more than a breath.

At their feet shelter found,
From their arms, spring's children fly,
Om their fingers youthful green to rust,
Such beauty, even in death.

The blaze of vibrant flowers,
Burns for but a moment,
Snowdrops into tulips in less than,
A solitary blink.

Autumn breezes over in hours,
Snow, chill and ice melt just as quick,
Life blooms before they can,
Feel the sun on their skin.

They may see centuries but cannot
Stop to look.

For Hannah

Feb 2016 · 249

Staedtler

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Staedtler

This stolen-or-found pencil writes
Far more smoothly than any keyboard
Or any pen of my own
So sterile
With no past
No stories to tell but
This...
This lead is filled
With memories
With sights and sounds
Of journeys
Of places I've never seen
Inspiration beyond any truth
From imagination moments

Feb 2016 · 244

Needles at night

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Needles at night

Through branches of shaking trees
Clinging on to their long-dead leaves
Lights glare in my tear-stained lenses
And flicker between breaths

Those bark-coated fingers
Reach out with shadows
On moss-stained fences
Tired, unable to stand

And in these fading hours
I see only where the dark touches
And smile only at dead and dying
Broken and falling.

Those glinting lights...
Needles in my eyes

Feb 2016 · 272

Margin

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Margin

There is never
Enough space
To say every-
-thing I want
To so always
I must short-
-en my mean-
-ing within
The lines deter-
-mined by so-
-me machine
With no thought
For flow or

Feb 2016 · 191

Stolen air

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Stolen air

Footsteps
Pounding the earth
Driving back
Against its never-ending spin
Wishing, urging
A half-spoken plea
To stop.
.
For just a second
Long enough to breathe
Without believing
We are wasting our time
With air.

Feb 2016 · 255

Freedom [Train ticket version]

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Freedom [Train ticket version]

A chance to spread wings
And leave safe places
For no reason
But random curiosity
And pointless feelings.

Feb 2016 · 182

Take

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Take

The blur,
The whir,
The lights flashing past,
The trees, posts and shadows,
Speeding to my destined place,
Terminal - take all
Your belongings
Lest you lose them for good,
Next station,
Last station,
Take me there.

Feb 2016 · 232

Steel

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Steel

These steel arteries
The life force of modern day
Expand our horizons
Let us escape
Go further than needed
Or just far enough
The breath of the city
A heartbeat, a step
A journey further on
Pulsing, turning forwards
To the future we're building
With tracks and trains and transport
That keep us moving on, on, on...

Feb 2016 · 255

Speck in the sun

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Speck in the sun

Light's touch is known only
When shadows run
And cower, flee and hide

Life seems bright only
When dark times are gone
And no nightmares are held inside

Love is found only
When eyes see more than
The mess that man leaves behind

But dark can be only
A speck in the sun
When she is by my side.

Feb 2016 · 458

Sacred ground

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Sacred ground

Leave this place,
You do not belong,
Your feet should not touch,
Nor stride nor pace,
On this soil, no mortal feet,
May step or wander,
For here is the place,
Where the Gods meet.

Feb 2016 · 185

Nights are worth

Parsavagely Kompenere Feb 2016

Nights are worth

Nights are worth no more to me,
Than I am within them,
No shadow nor moonlight,
Can shake me to sleep.

For in the forgotten corner of some,
White-walled room,
No life, nor light,
Can reach me in my

shallow writhing, running from my,
Own demons, with
No mercy, nor rest,
To give me even a chance.

Jan 2016 · 169

Feathers [Part 2]

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2016

Feathers [Part 2]

In wishful moments,
I would sing,
And on my breath,
I'd hear the echoes of wings,
And feathers floating away,
Up,
Beyond eye-line,
Past focus,
And I'd follow my voice,
Through storm and snow and silence,
Into the sky I know I need.

Jan 2016 · 175

Feathers [Part 1]

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2016

Feathers [Part 1]

Were my fingers feathers,
They would let me flee from here,
From feathers into wings,
And wings to lift to flight,
To freedom,
To dreams,
To life.

Jan 2016 · 333

Carved Shadows

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2016

Carved Shadows

Sometimes I don't want to smile,
Because to do so would be fake,
And pointless,
Instead I'd rather hide in the dark,
Than try to walk through a storm,
And cower in the cave,
In the rough, carved shadows,
Until the rain stops,
And I can see the way again.

Jan 2016 · 231

Chimes

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2016

Chimes

The clock's calling
Time to let go
No more falling
Let the blood flow
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip
...
Drip

Jan 2016 · 305

Whirlpools

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2016

Whirlpools

He took an empty bowl,
And filled it with night-black,
Cracked a diamond on its side,
And sprinkled in the shards,
He stirred them into swirls,
Into whirlpools,
Drawing in the eye,
And in that reflection,
He saw himself,
And a single tear fell,
A glistening orb,
That sent ripples across that bowl,
As it hung in the centre of it all,
Born of sadness,
Treasured forever.

Jan 2016 · 138

Hit

Parsavagely Kompenere Jan 2016

Hit

A bullet hits my brain,
Fired from within,
And screams from the knife in my hand.

A blade hits my wrist,
And blood is set free,
At last released in pain and tears.

A breath hits my lungs,
And no more.