I'm staying up too late again
Listening to songs that make me cry
And I'm wasting away hours
That I could use for...something at least
So little purpose these days
So little meaning
I know the dream is coming
Just, it's too far for now
My life is a phone off the hook
Stock music crackling to no-one
Waiting for someone to pick me up
And lead me on.

Boxes
Collecting the life I need to take
Leaving behind the trivial
But for a few small comforts

Piles
Sorting my belongings into
Future and past
All the eccentricities I've collected

Lists
Making sure nothing is forgotten
So I will be safe to settle
In some distant room far away

Time
Drifting slowly but
Accelerating towards
Well...I don't know what yet

Something new

I don't write about God
Not often
When I try I feel inadequate
Or I fear somehow offending
Or alienating
Someone I wish was saved

I don't write about God
Not easily
How to describe something
So ingrained in my being?
Closer even
Than my bitter struggles

I don't write about God
Not enough
Not because I can't
Because it's difficult
But after all
Difficult is no excuse

So let's talk about love
Let's talk about forgiveness
Let's talk about sanctuary
Let's talk about comfort
Let's talk about escape
Let's talk about freedom
Let's talk about what you need right now
And let's talk about doing something about it
That's my God

I heard once in a song when I was young
that your "first love stays with you for ever"
and back then I knew who she must be
but now, what I thought was love back then
I see was immature loneliness
but my mind still drifts back
to a girl I loved
who used to read my poetry
and I used to admire her voice
now I wonder if I could have made it work
if I'd been older, more confident,
kinder or less busy
perhaps
most likely not,
but it seems that her eyes
and the smell of her perfume
are intertwined with my memories

What reason do I have to be angry?
I have lived in comfort
Never doubted the safety of my future
The hardships of this world
Have breezed past me, barely moving my clothes
Of course I have faced trials
Don't we all?
But I never had anything to blame them on
For the most part they were unfortunate
Or inconvenient
No, I have never had reason to be angry.
Yet, sitting like a knot in my throat
Some tumour filling my stomach
Rotting slowly
An undeniable frustration
That I watch my friends' and strangers' lives
Falling apart, cut-off and left to stumble on
And where I see no reason not to help,
Those that can see no reason to
What reason do I have to be angry?
None, not really - but what reason do we have?
We have far too many to count

I used to keep myself out of sight
Shadows became friends far warmer than light
The outside world saw no more than a shell
While inside I was growing and preparing myself

Slowly I let the sun touch my skin
Allowing more eyes to look in
And see my heart beat freely
So I could begin becoming me

I broke through the walls, but not alone
People around me at every milestone
They held my hands and pulled me out
With their help I ended the blackout

Now a new life takes its place
As a new smile dances across my face
I stretch out my new wings so they can dry
So that one day - I can learn to fly

A girl sits on the worn out
Stone of an old staircase
Deeper in the middle from
Shoes gone by
She leans on the wall
By her side
With a smile on her face
And her eyes barely open
Air drifts in to her
Like she is a part of it
And with it she flows
Up from the cold stone
Out of the shadows
Across the town
The only one she knows
To find the eyes
That she spotted last night
Filled with ripples
And colour and light
And from the hazy shapes
She strained to see
She builds a person
Thin arms, thin waist
Hair half over one shoulder
And a smile,
Then a laugh which
Tickles her own lips
And makes her open her eyes

She stands and shakes her head
She must forget
Until she sees her again