Does all this really mean anything?
When so many others have said this all before
And in better ways with perfect form
And without repeating themselves
Again
And
Again

Will anyone but me look back and think
These cascades of words meant anything more important
Than just a student with too much time
And not enough energy?

Will anyone love my love poems?
Or be inspired by my protests?
Or close their eyes and picture the moments
I found unforgettable?

Will I be remembered for writing a few too many days?
For running out of things to say and
Waffling on anyway?

Or perhaps someone might find some truth in these words
Or a perspective never before expressed
Maybe
Maybe not
But no harm in waffling on
A
Little
Bit
Longer

We were inseparable
Until we were too busy
Or too tired to laugh
And we'd talk nonsense
For hours on end
For some release
From logic and coursework
We'd eat junk
Because why the hell not?
And we were inseparable
Because why wouldn't we be?
When we knew each other so well
Well enough to call each other
Trees and weird toads
And we laughed and laughed
And laughed and never grew up
Because why should we?
So we didn't  and we won't ever
Not really
Not when we're together
We'll always be not-quite-adults
With whims and fantasies
And silliness
That meant so much
For meaning nothing

In my heart I know
That doesn't mean anything
I'm so sure
You'll probably grow out of it
It's a part of me
Just hormones playing tricks
This is who I am
You're lying to yourself
I'm happier this way
You're making things difficult
I don't belong in there
You don't belong anywhere
I'll find someone who loves me
Not me
I just want to live a normal life
You can't anymore
I'll dress how I want
You're ugly in that
I feel beautiful
Freak

.

Between my fingers
Lies the power to entrance
The beauty to bring tears
The energy to make dance
A shift across one step
And the atmosphere could change
The air becomes much hotter
And light seems to fade
Add an extra feeling
Above comfort, uncertainty
Yet still held in balance
By mellow intricacy
But stretch my thumb a little
I could pull back to hope
And climb up to sanctuary
On gently woven rope
And weave a simple story
Of loss, of love, of growth

And there on the screen,
At 7:49
The words for which I've waited
But never believed were mine

I'd prepared myself for failure,
Readied for defeat,
But now all fear is lifted
And I cannot speak

Because my future is secured
A degree awaits my hands
And beyond it so many options
I never thought I'd have

And I know, for once, I earned this
I worked hard, I pushed myself
So whatever comes of this
I deserved to do this well

My leg twitches as I lie in bed before sunset
Forcing my head to the pillow with little prospect of sleep
For one more circle of the moon remains
Before my many suns are aligned
The arrangement of the stars I imagine on the ceiling
Moving each one in turn with fantasised hands
It meant little to me until this dusk how far above they sit
And in what heading
Yet now the wake they leave in the cosmos
Ripples and shakes my entire world
And impossibly warps the outcome as my pathetic vessel is drowned
I let the weight of the atmosphere press me down
Each molecule a rope tying me tighter to the mattress
And force my eyelids shut so that I might dip out of time
For just long enough
To see how far I must climb