I see you my brother, my sister in pain
your eyes diverted from the croud
hiding your face from the bane

I see the fear in your eyes, from pain of long ago
see your avoidance of all that is real
trying to wash it way, or soften its blow

I see your cries for help, the struggle of your soul
I see it in the way you walk
staying far from the fold

I see the haunting of your mind, the darkness that you fight
the circle under your eyes
from not sleeping at night

The needle marks on your arms, trying to **** the demons inside
the way you hang your head in shame
not looking the world in the eye

I see you my brother, my sister it's true
for there once was a time
I was just like you.

December 29, 2019

No one listens to another's pain
The subtle ways it shows
A tear in an eye of a smiling face
True happiness, never shows

A glance away, when you mention a name
Hand to the heart, at a song
A heavy sadness follows them
Forever, trying to be strong

We don't pay attention, to the look in the eye
When a memory crosses their mind
That rips out their soul, and tortures them
To their suffering,  we are blind

Never judge another's path
You do not know what they do
What it takes, every day
To try to be normal like you

Pam Penta
7/16/19

My words have left me
Have nothing more to say
They fall upon deaf ears
As the pages start to fray

We preach the religions
Condemn the weak
We do not practice
the words We speak.

No one is listening
To their truth within
Instead pointing fingers
To bring out your sin

My words have left me
For ones I once loved
Are lost to their darkness
Instead of rising above

Remember the truth
Before it's too late
Create a heart of love
Instead of one of hate

Find your truth
Go against the world
And a life unimaginable
Will then unfurl.

April 30, 2019

When we have lost our heart
When we judge what we do not know
Show no gratitude for life

Our soul slowly dies

When we look at our neighbor in hate
Because they are a different shade
We move away a little more

From our Fathers eyes

The world is lost, blinded by hate
Forgotten our purpose
Forgotten our fate

Living a life of lies

Money and greed, I want what is mine
Instead of feeding the hungry
Helping the blind

Becoming all you despise

On your deathbed you
Scream "God save my soul"
He says in return

I know you no more

You didn't live the love
You claimed in church
Instead you looked down

From high on your perch

Jesus taught you the way
Yet you twist it to serve
Your greed and your hunger

For things of this world

A deathbed confession
Won't save your soul
When you gave it to man

And by my children you strolled

The homeless, the naked
The thirsty, the weak
I put them in front of you

But you called them all freaks

You judged their condition
Instead of lending a hand
Turning your eye

To the suffering at hand

Your riches are grand
Your possessions, many
You wallowed in greed

Had more than plenty

What did you give
To end the suffering of one?
Be careful how you live

Before your life is done

January 29, 2019

I keep most of it inside
This utter darkness I fight each day
The tortured demons I hold at bay
Knowing one day they will escape
Their feathered claws
Rip at my soul...try to destroy my heart
Crawl into my mind and speak
Of memories torn and bleak
And take me back to the start.
The little child, who's innocence was torn
When her mind became twisted and bent
On stories of love, but actions without consent
The darkness creeps in, with images of
The moment it all took place.
And the broken child inside of me,
Runs to hide her face.
Then the pain, in reaping waves
As the memory of abuse is found
The tortured demons laugh at me
As they toss the memory around
Fists of fury swing at me
From every direction and space
Bruises form and streams of blood
covering my face
I see the demons' eyes, filled with fire and rage
Switch to the face of my abuser
As each punch lands in its place.
I try to push it all away
To bring back in some light
The demon whispers in my ear
"My dear, we own the night.
No relief will come to you...
Until the sun does rise.
Until then, my dear, I own your mind.
So sit back, and enjoy the ride ".

September 17, 2018

The color has been stripped from the world
In shades of black and gray
I watch the world move away.
Screams of hatred fill the space
As others move out of line, or slow down the race.
"You are unworthy, to eat, to drink, to live!"  
"You are everything I am not, how dare you ask me to give!"
The rich get richer, as the poor die away.
Money and greed are now the way
Doors locked at night, with secrets behind
People walk past, as if they are blind
Streets lined with homeless, most veterans of war
"Don't ask me for help, or knock on my door!"
Children are hurt, some left to die.
Emotions are rare, not many cry.
Or hurt for those who don't have enough
Or don't have it in them to always be tough.
We look down on them as burdens, not fair
Instead of lending a hand, learning to share
The values we preach, are seldom carried through
We have forgotten we are one. You are I, and I am you.

Take care of each other.

September 2, 2018
Pamela Penta

I look in the mirror
And all that I see
Is a wrinkled old woman
Staring back at me
Skin sagging in places
That once were firm
My hair turning gray
Each one I have earned
When I look in my eyes
I see happiness and youth
Dancing sparkles of light
The symbol of my truth
For though time has ravaged
My skin and outer frame
The little girl inside me
Had never lost her flame
She dances in the moonlight
Marvels at the world
Shows love to every soul she meets
With open arms unfurled
The laughter in those eyes still glows
And shows the world that sees
That though age has taken my body
It will never take away me

My body and soul ache
And long for the touch of another
Skin hungry...I've heard it called
Does our spirit start to die
When we no longer love?
Or is it just stalled?
I need to be awakened
To be alive again
To share my love with you
For if I don't, I'm afraid that I
May wither away, shrivel and die
And lose all that is new
I'm afraid that we  will never meet
That the love in me will starve
Never knowing your touch
Why are souls that long to be
Placed so far apart?
Is wanting you in my life asking too much?

March 25, 2018

A hollow space inside me bleeds
And begs me for relief
A shudder through my aching heart
That rarely skips a beat
Then the voices in my head
Cackle, crawl and creep
Waiting for the time to be
To take me in my sleep
Veins still pump and eyes still cry
Though never at my will
Rather death come quietly
And that my heart were still
Quiet me, the hurt inside
Has waged on long enough
Burdened soul of hallowed mind
A spirit born of rust
Shadowed in the waking dawn
The demons take their leave
Resting, waiting, patiently
For my soul to thieve.

November 13, 2017

I invite you in...
To the silent places of my heart
To the pieces that are frayed and broken
Stitched together with lies and forgotten promises....
The places where secrets lie...
Tread lightly, as you enter here
For I've never allowed someone so close
To the darkness that lies beneath...
To the shadows of the sickness...
In my soul.
Careful as you touch the tender parts of my past....
Where the pain and suffering began
There is still a little girl in there, who needs some love and care
Don't turn away when the darkness grows deep
And depression rears its head...
It's just a demon I've learned to control,
I won't allow it to win.
If you've made it thru this far...
The prize is deep within
A heart that is strong, and full of life
And love for you waiting there.
The package comes as a whole
You must accept all of me
Help me through my darkness nights
Keep me safe
Love me raw, and let me weep
Carry me through until the day
you need me to carry you.

October 21, 2017

Can't you hear my screams
Within the whisper of my words?
Or my growing absence
In life and in the world?
Can't you tell I'm dying
By the words I never speak
Or that you never see me
Or do you think I'm weak?
Can't you tell?
My mind is killing me?
He's there in every breath I take
In everything I see
Can't you tell...
Or do you refuse to see?

July 1, 2017

I'm lost in a world of my own design
Withered and ravaged with pain

Locked inside my own mind
Soiled and torn..and stained

Unable to breathe, unable to cope
In a place I was born too late

Afraid of what may happen to me
Of what will be my fate

Memories tear away at my soul
Like claws of a demons hand

The little child inside of me
Withers away like sand

Into myself deeper I crawl
Hiding my eyes to the truth

The little child inside of me
Was taken in my youth

The tattered shreds that once were her
Are tear stained, ***** and gray

There is no hope of finding her
She was victim to the prey

Inside the prison walls of my soul
I throw away the key

For when they tore away the child
They destroyed me

June 17, 2017

Demons line the hallway
Filed in one by one
Waiting for their solace
In the setting sun
When the clock strikes midnight
And the angels go to bed
Then it is their playtime
The time to take the dead
The ones who are all alone
And lost to their own pain
Welcome them with open arms
To enter their waiting veins
Take away the anguish
Of life as it has become
Take away my memory
Of a lost and broken home
Take away the fear in me
So I may lay my head
Upon this concrete I call home
And the cardboard of my bed
Let me forget that I once served
This country long ago
Just like they have forgotten me
As soon as I came home
Demons take me now I pray
Give me peace for a time
Quiet the longing of my soul
And the noises in my mind
Give me dreams of a happier place
As you take away my soul
Let me drift away in peace
And let me wake no more

June 11, 2017

My heart is breaking
Scattering in a million pieces
Taking bits of my soul as it goes
There is nothing left
No fight, no reason
To go on
It's been broken so many times
Nothing but dust remains
I've lost all hope
All memory of who I was meant to be
I'm so tired, I want to rest
Close my eyes
and be reborn to my next life
This one is nothing but pain
I can't survive any more
And I've begged for relief
For too long

March 14, 2017

Tell me about your heart.
Tell me about your struggles, your pain.
How you dug yourself out of hell
and overcame through the greatest odds.
Show me your love,
your compassion, your kindness.
Show me by deed, love for your fellow man.
A meal for a neighbor, or a man on the corner.
A coat for a stranger in the cold.
A warm bed for a friend who has none.
Bleed with me over the injustices in this world.
Your passion over wrong,
and your fight for what is right.
Show me your soul, and I will be yours for life.

Forest darkness
Shadowed moon
Lost in sadness
Grief and gloom
Voices ringing
In my head
Do it now!
You are already dead!
Surface crawls
Under my skin
Eating my flesh
Exposing my sin
Behind the door
Demons abound
Wanting to take me
Into the ground
Eyes sown shut
Lips can't scream
My body is melting
Into a dream
This hell in my mind
When will it end?
"Never" it whispers
"You are mine till the end"

Lost in a glen
Dark and dank
When will I return?
My soul is wandering
To a place unknown
What do I need to learn?
The branches of trees
Dig into my flesh
Ripping away my pride
The horrors of the ruined depth
May lead me to my demise
I feel my ego
Becoming twisted and bent
Showing me what I serve
Will there be anything left?
Or am I getting what I deserve?
The winds of hate are cold and worn
As they are blown away from me
My heart feels weak
But suddenly whole
What happened to the pieces in me?
Way down deep
In the core of my soul
I see a tiny light
So small at first I could not see
Because I would not give in to the fight
Years of calluses
Fall from my eyes
And at last I could see
The mirror imagine of my soul
That was never meant to be

December 21, 2016

Life is full of ups and downs
Twists and turns
And round and rounds
Tears of joy,
And tears of pain
Laughter and anger
Sun and rain
It's up to us
It is indeed!
To choose our path each day
Embrace the rain
Release the pain
Remember how to play!
It is our life
To sulk or grin
The choice has always been mine
Take each day
As a gift, as it is
And live your life sublime

December 21,2016

As i awake to this new day
The cold and damp outside
I'm thankful for the roof and walls
That from the weather they divide

My aching bones scream at me
But remind me I can feel
I open my eyes to the sun
And roll out of bed to kneel

Thank you Spirit for all that I have
For my sight, my health and my life
Thank you for my family and friends
For the love I have in this life

Thank you for the trials
And the pain as well I've endured
For without the bad as well
I wouldn't recognize the good

For all of this and so much more
I offer thanks today
But live my life in gratitude
To show it every day

November 24, 2016

Mirror cuts like a razors knife
Brings the blood that takes a life
Dulls the anguish
Relieves the pain...
Maybe I will be reborn again

Into a life
Of love and peace
One from which
I won't beg release
One with a home
And family that's whole
One that is safe...
Where I know I am loved


Until then
I'll lay here and bleed
Be careful your choices
And what you do weave
Your soul is fragile
And one day will leave
What will be left
The day you succeed?

Sept 28, 2016

Death.
That's what I think of
When I think of you.

Not the physical kind of death.
The kind of death
That takes your soul

I feel bitterness
And hate
When I look in your eyes

A blackness of a spirit lost

I cannot save you
From yourself

No amount of love
Can heal you
Without your help

Nothing I can do.
So I sit and watch you die.

September 26,2016

My blood feels like razors flowing thru my veins
Their sharpness cutting into my soul
Every breath breaks my bones
Threatening to pierce my heart
I beg for death, for the pain to stop
For the voices inside to ease
Screaming at the top of their lungs
To cut and let them bleed
The darkness gets darker
Creeping into each space
One day I'll look for her
And she'll be lost to all grace
The child inside that screams to die
Will be gone, without a trace

Sept 20, 2016

You are tearing out my soul
A piece of flesh at a time
Devouring who I am

At times I feel your teeth scrape the bone

The black bitterness oozes
From your mouth and eyes
As it feeds on the happiness

That once was mine

Each day it grows with my demise
This viciousness that owns your heart
And is taking over your mind

Tearing us apart

I will not let you take my soul
Or turn me into you
If you choose to live in death

Then you and I are through

September 8, 2016

Look at the world through the eyes of a child
As if everything you see is new
Take wonder in the rising sun
In the grass covered with dew
Watch the morning birds
Waking up and taking flight
Finding food for their young
Who are hungry from the night
Watch the flowers reaching up
To catch the morning sun
Take rejoice in your life
A new day has begun!!
Watch the world around
As you go thru each day
Smile at a stranger
Help someone along the way
Be grateful for each breath you take
Give someone a helping hand
Smell the roses along your way
Feel your toes in the sand
Experience all that is around you
Don't live with blinders on
Let go of all that is burdening you
And in the end, you'll have won

September 2, 2016

Staring at the ceiling
Wishing sleep would come
Can't keep my mind from wondering
What has happened to our home?
The words that come from you
Are angry and full of hate
What happened to saying you love me
Being my partner and my mate?
The more pain you are in
The more problems that arise
The more you shut me out
And turn away from my eyes
I don't know how to reach you
You bury yourself inside
Shutting out the world around
You run away and hide
We all are damaged to some degree
Some to the core of our souls
It is your choice to set it free
Or let it take control
If you do not fight to truly live
Even in the midst of pain
You will lose your soul completely
And never get it back again
Let go of the things you cannot change
Take care of the things you can
Appreciate all God has given you
Take comfort in His hands

August 25, 2016

It's been a year.
A soul wrenching
Heart ripping year
I find myself at times
Wishing
You were still part of this earth
Yet.
To have you here
In the pain you were in,
Not knowing what you were worth
Would be selfish,
And more painful for you
Than this.
I know you are free
And send signs you are here
With me.
When I cry
I can feel you hug me tight
And whisper to me
Mom, it will be alright
Then a feather you leave
Right by my feet
Where I sit on the porch
To feel you with me
I know you had
your own journey
Your own plan
But to know the pain
You were living in,
And peace you could not attain
Is what I grieve
the most these days.
To know your child
Was so lost that he died
Is more than I can bear
Please forgive me
For not seeing thru
To your agony and despair
I know I couldn't fix you
I know I did my best
But the mother in me
Doesn't believe the rest
I wanted to save you
From yourself
I wanted you...
To want to, too.
I pray in the next life
Your journey is calm
Your soul is free
And as peaceful as a psalm
So journey on
My beautiful son
I'll love you
Until the last setting sun❤️

July 12, 2016

Like a newly planted seed,
So begins our love
We struggle to find our way
In this new life we've begun
Learning how to allow
For the other to breathe and be
To include them in decisions
And not have the urge to flee
Being alone is what we've known
Many years for us
Letting another into your life
Is hard, but it has a plus
We know that these are growing pains
Our relationship will survive
We'll find our groove, settle in
And our love will begin to thrive
Never think I'm leaving my love
I have chosen you for life
Do not doubt my devotion and love
Thru pain, joy, happiness or strife
Just ride the wave thru this awkward time
As we find our place in this new life

Love you always❤️
July 11, 2016

Where are we?
On this tiny planet
In a million galaxies
With no end to it?

What are we?
Spirit or flesh
A corporate mongrel
Or a fledgling in a crèche

What is our purpose?
Why do we live?
To take all we can?
Or be of service and give?

What do we serve?
In this life given us?
The almighty dollar
Or something greater than us?

What will they remember
When your name is spoken of?
A bitter, broken heart
Or a soul full of love?

Is is important?
What does it mean?
This life we are given
May Not be what it seems


June 23,2016

I'm a fallen leaf
Carried by the wind
To places far from my home
Thru my journey
I've been tousled
Torn by the weather and sun
The farther I roam
The more my color fades
And my edges fray
Taking a rest
Then catching a breeze
Trying to find my way
Pieces of me
Start to break away
Changing who I was
Fragile and alone
Broken inside
I finally stop to pause
Home is my roots
That keep me safe
Nurture my heart and soul
If wander I must
I ought always return
To renew and revert to whole

June 12, 2016

Bleeding heart
Wants to die
Soul survived
Never cried
Love betrayed
Life in pain
Broken, torn
All in vain
Loved you most
Gave my heart
Wanted more
A new start
Once again
Heart withdrawn
Hurt and lost
Soon be gone
Wasted time
Wanting you
Broke my heart
Nothing new
Tired and bleeding
Left in pain
Wanting, yearning
Never again.

November 14, 2012

Follow me to the setting sun
To where life has begun
To the place we will be one

Follow me to the sea of blue
Where spraying dew
Make rainbow hues

Follow me to the mountains high
To touch the sky
And clear our eyes

Follow me to rivers wild
Raging Rapids reconciled
Laughing playing like a child

Follow me throughout this life
And I will you, forever your wife

June 10, 2016

I am the wind
Blowing thru your hair
Touching your skin
Carrying your prayer

I am the earth
Under your feet
Guiding you where
You need to be

I am rain
Washing you clean
Growing the trees
And all that you see

I am fire
Burning in your soul
Forging your heart
Making you whole

I am All
I am you, you are me
Together we walk
Through eternity

June 10, 2016

I long to lay with you in green fields of clover
watching the clouds form in the sky.
To laugh at a world that has forgotten why we are here...
To dance in the rain, and rejoice at a new day.
To stroll in the twilight while the stars and the moon begin to shine.
Life is short.
It is too short not to run and play and laugh and love.
Too short not to cherish every breath  
not to look at each new experience with wonder.
Life is beautiful.
It is sacred.
And to give it any less than all of who you are is a sin.
I want to wake up every morning in love.
In love with every moment, every experience I am given.
And to share it with you would make it complete.
To see the world in wonder through your eyes....
To watch you embrace the world and all you can be
would surely make my life full and whole.  
You are my gift, you are my love
and you are all that is beautiful  to me.

March 3, 2012

A fleeting thought will never fail
To open up my mind
And bring me to a thinking place
Or leave me utterly blind
Coursing blood through my veins
And light within my soul
Will keep me trudging forward while
Replenishing the fold
Your words have not escaped me
Though your intent I'm sure is real
I have a hard time placing
A name to what I feel
Alone too long, maybe perhaps
And missing love and touch
Is asking that it be refreshed
Really all too much?
My soul is waiting openly
For a promise or a prayer
Here is hoping that I will not fail
And one day love will fare
Do not look behind, my mind doth say
You do not live in that past
Leave it there behind you
Or what you find won't last

February 19, 2016

Into the darkness I have gone
To find that place the one called home
Through the anger, doubt and fear
I tore down walls that brought me near
On cliffs of death and walls of grief
I struggled on to find my peace
For truth be told it's all within
For ones true self is the true friend
And hiding behind the empty space
Is who you are through Gods own Grace
And fighting through to find yourself
Is where freedom lies and happiness dwells
Giving up is not a choice
Let the world see you and hear your voice
You are not meant to live in chains
Find yourself, release the pain
Break down the walls that hide your soul
Let out your truth and then you'll know
All you ever wished from life
Was always there, right inside
For you yourself have the power to be
To unlock the chains and set yourself free.

March 16, 2013
Pam Penta

On the wings of angels fly
For your spirit never dies
You live and dance among the trees
In winters snow and summers breeze
You live in songs of robins nests
And babies laying on mothers breast
You live in autumns changing leaves
In all that God has made or sees
Your spirit lives within our hearts
Never will we truly part
Until the day we join with you
In evening rain and morning dew
For your spirit never dies
It grows wings, and learns to fly.

January 25, 2012

Broken mirrors
Broken glass
Shattered memories
Of a long lost past
Fractured pieces
Of a former life
Bring untold pain
And bitter strife
Mangled spirit
Raging dreams
Fighting hard
To know what it means
Losing sight
Of where I am
Holding on...
If I can
Broken glass
Broken heart
Breaking me down
Tearing me apart
Missing you
Is killing me
Take me Now
I don't want to be
Left alone
Without you here
Is simply more
Than I can bare.
Broken memories
Broken dreams
Life without you
Is worse than it seems.

Pam Penta
June 8, 2015

Riding down this old dirt road
Music loud and windows down
Wind blowing through my hair
And wiping away my frown
I turn down the road heading to the lake
The place of my youth and my dreams
Where laughter of long ago
And wonderful memories stream
My childhood was filled with adventure
First boyfriends and kisses in the pines
Camp outs and bonfires, rock pits and games
Yet I felt alone and afraid and confined
I ran from the place where once I was safe
Searching for a way to find peace
Alcohol, drugs and a life filled with shame
Did not the self loathing cease
That was a time as well long ago
With many a story between
The things in my life that have brought me to now
My life I still work to preen
I no longer fight the things of my past
The lessons I've opened and learned
Which brought me back here, the place of my home
With honor and respect now earned
June 2, 2016

Anger and bitterness poison your soul
And prevent you from coming forth
I know there is a scared little boy
That doesn't know his worth
A "real man" delusion is what you live by
Yet pain is what you inflict
Never thinking of another's heart
Just ready and willing to convict
You do not have the capacity for love
If anger lives in your heart
Darkness and hatred grow nothing but weeds
That choke the life out of who you are
I've tried to reach the child inside
To let him know he's loved
But fault you find in all I do
And you push away my love
I know what I should do for me
I should run and never look back
For trying to heal a heart so cold
Requires more power that I lack
You have no desire to change who you are
And have a right to live as you choose
But I have a right to live in peace
And be loved the way I deserve

June 2, 2016

Pull the curtains over me
Wrap me in darkness
Throw me in the bottom of the pit
And leave me there to die
No longer can I breathe the air
Or drink the water here
We have destroyed our Mother Earth
No more birds left to fly
Bees are gone from flower beds
Our food is tainted by man
Plastic fills the ground below
Nature can't comply
Take away my concrete home
The metal car I drive
Give me back the forests green
The crystal clear blue sky
Bomb the factories that eat our air
And make our plastic food
Go back to living from the earth
Self destruction we defy
Take our world back before it's gone
Before we destroy her soul
Unwrap the curtains of her death
And bring her life a new.

May 27, 2016

Green new leaves and tiny buds
Flowers starting to bloom
Mother Nature waking up
Decorating her home
Birds singing in their nests
As the young begin to birth
Showers fall and sunlight shines
To bathe and warm the earth
New life waking all around
A new beginning is formed
Awaken your soul to life again
Open and be transformed
Embrace the day and seize your bliss
No one can claim it but you
Let your heart be free at last
Restart your life anew
Spread your wings like a butterfly
Open your heart like a bloom
Share your soul like the stormy cloud
Break free of the winters tomb
You can begin from wherever you choose
You don't have to live in pain
Allow yourself the privilege of life
And never look back again

May 6, 2016

The days are beginning to fade to night
Time is running thin
She scrambles trying to save her soul
To rid the sin within.
Tidy up the broken glass
And shards of broken dreams
Gathered together in a box
Now busting at the seams
Smiles no longer cross her face
To beauty she is blind
Barely making day to day
Already lost her mind
The world was cruel to her soul
Mind and body crushed and used
Turned off her humanity
No longer amused
Praying daily for the pain to end
For precious sleep to come
A single blade run across her vein
Will to her life succumb

May 1, 2016

For years I have searched for you
The other half of my soul
Wandering in and out of lives
Trying my best to be whole
Nothing ever felt quite right
Before long the pieces would fail
Take me back to being alone
Back to my own living hell
I fought my way back to myself
And vowed to always be alone
Protecting my heart from being hurt
Yet always feeling undone
I ran across you quite by fate
I remembered your heart from ago
Back to a time before we we were born
When we were of one soul
The very moment you held me close
I knew I had found my way home
Back to the arms of my other half
Back to the place I belong

May 1, 2016