Sometimes it’s best to go out to the car,
put the seat back and put my feet up
on the dashboard and just stare at the roof
while listening to a podcast.
Because it’s quiet, I’m alone and it’s mine.

I’ve spent so much time sitting on the floor, slowly picking through the debris to piece myself back together. I was almost whole again when you showed up and helped find the last few shards of glass to rebuild the mirror I look at myself in. I changed. I’m older, stronger. But even you said I still look broken and I see it too. So please be careful.

We went to the pizza place where we had our first date.
A restaraunt called Marion’s that’s been there forever.
The carpet has a neon palm leaves pattern and the decor is “Italian.”
It doesn’t quite make sense.
We have been back a few times before
but I always love going there with him.
We had our usual pizza, and two pitchers of beer and once the buzz kicked in we talked like we did that first time.
He asked me,
“Are you a happy peacher?”
Smiling at my favorite nickname I said yes.
The rest of the evening was spent gossiping the way only couples do and making each other laugh.
When we got home I dipped into the bathroom and got ready for work until he came in and picked me up; carrying me to the living room to watch Bob’s Burgers.
We smoked a bowl and cuddled on the couch until I had to leave.
It’s always hard to go to work after a day like that, which included beautiful spring weather.
But getting to kiss him good bye always helps.

It's a cold November morning and outside my window looks similar to a Bob Ross painting.
Blues, purple, brown and red.
Thin tree branches and leaves

I love holding your hand because it makes it easier to hang on to you.

I’m sorry I can’t imagine your hand no longer resting on my leg in the car,
or not having that feeling of being a part of your world.
I can’t be okay with not being your’s.
I love you even though I didn’t mean to.

It was sort of a cliche but I let the warm, happy feeling flow from my cheeks to my toes.
Laying in bed in the dark,
I was on my stomach cuddling our beloved stuffed fox,
while he played ukulele.
It was one of those small, quiet moments that only two people share.
One of those small moments where I had everything I wanted.

It’s just easier to say yeah I’m okay,
and then lay my head down on the couch at the end of the day.
What I’m feeling is selfish, it’s mostly about me.
Just wishing you would stick around and never ever leave.
So I’ve been quiet all day because I know I should be happy for you.
I’ve been quiet all day because I already miss you.

Of course real life isn’t always filled with romance and the thrill of doing things on a whim.
It’s mostly laying around trying to find the motivation to do anything, like go to the gym.
Sleeping in late and getting nothing done.
Running errands and other adult ****.
There are little spats and words that cut and there isn’t always a kiss goodbye.
But there are moments.
Like snuggling on the couch after work when we’re both too tired to work out so Game of Thrones it is.
Little smiles and compliments that are sprinkled through out a boring day.
Real life isn’t always romantic but it’s still nice to be with you.

I hate myself because I destroy my own happiness.
I can feel it in the pit of my stomach, this unwelcome rage that is like boiling water bubbling over the edge of a ***.
I’ve always found it fitting that my zodiac sign is the Taurus because sometimes I can be so stubborn, I won’t budge.
I can gleefully sit and watch everything burn around me but then instantly regret it as I am left in the ashes wondering
what happened?!


Nobody brings me down better than I do.

My mental health is deteriorating and nobody cares!
I ask for help but I’m met with blank stares.
“You’re over dramatic, all women are the same.”
It’s no wonder good girls end up going insane.
I feel like a ghost lost in my apartment,
trying to find someone to share my heart with.
Can someone for once just care about me?
Why am I so easy to leave.

There are so many times when
I wish I could capture a moment and
keep it inside a snow globe.
That way all I’d have to do is tip it over to
relive it all over again.