I am dating someone
who draws me when
I’m not there,
and looks at the photos
I’ve sent him
in private.
He pays me back
every time I buy something
and writes a cute
note in Venmo,
and asks me to stop
by before work just so
he can kiss me.
He is romantic in
ways that I am not,
but I am grateful.

I spent my
grocery money
for the week at
the dispensary.

After I picked up my order
I took myself out to lunch
at the Mexican restaurant
my ex and I used to frequent
almost daily.
We’d spend too much
on shots of tequila and
beer and tip
really well.
The greeter said,
Hi amiga! How have you been?
It’s been awhile!
I smiled and told him
I moved out of town.
I got my usual,
beautiful Al pastor tacos
and a Dos Equis with lime.
I ate and drank slowly
listening to the families
chat around me.
Then my beer was almost empty
and I was feeling good,
so I knew it was time to go.

Years of work mending
all for nothing
because I am bleeding again.

Something changed
yesterday.
I don’t see the bridge
anymore.
It’s covered under a
thick and unwavering
fog.
I know it’s still there
somewhere.
Hidden beneath
hurtful words and
tears.
They say the weather
can change at any moment
so maybe I’ll just
keep standing here.

I can’t scream
much louder.
My cries and pleas
have gone unanswered.
Ten months have gone by,
we are back to the season
in which we met
but we aren’t like
we were back then.
I am in love
and he is indifferent.

It’s so dumb when
a small thing turns
into what cracked the egg.
The egg is my brain.
Sometimes it’s a rude comment,
or an extra chore or payment
that sends me boiling over.

I wish I could ask
someone to grab cat litter
or salt for the water softener
just so I don’t have to.
Someone to make dinner
while I nap,
just once.
But the person who
has to do that for me,
is me.