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Chameleon Jan 6
My childhood home
was lit by candles
in open window sills.
The warm summer breeze
blowing the scent of
wax around the room.
The sound of the
screen door smacking
shut,
and our footsteps
running off into the
evening.
Dusty books lined
shelves,
and a bowl of marbles,
where each one was
perfectly placed sat on
the cupboard.
Classic rock and
a mix of blues
floated out into the yard,
serenading the sunset.
We’d stay outside waiting
for the glow of fire flies;
catch one,
let it go.
Until it was time
to come in for supper,
grilled chicken
and cheesy potatoes.
Then fall asleep
in front of a box fan
squeaking under
the moonlight.
I’ve always slept better
in the silence of
the country.
Chameleon Jan 3
I’m laying in his bed
and he’s not home yet.
I am taking deep
breaths and repeating
the same thing I always do
when I feel like this.
Everything is fine,
everyone is safe,
You’re okay.
I’ve been pulling my
hair out nonstop
the last few weeks.
I need to shave my head.
Chameleon Dec 2024
One time someone
handed me a book called,
How to stop worrying
and start living.
And I laughed out loud.
They looked confused
and said,
I thought it might
be helpful.
Chameleon Dec 2024
I’ve built this belief
that nothing is
permanent.
No person, place
or thing will stay
forever..
Nothing is in
my control
so I feel out of control.
But I’m already expecting
him to leave, to stop,
to change
when he hasn’t.
The second I walk out
his door,
I feel worried
and he feels good.
I want to believe him
but instead I fear him.
Chameleon Dec 2024
He told me he feels
comfortable singing
around me,
and that he never
really has with anyone
else before
Chameleon Dec 2024
Even though it was noon
I tiptoed back to the bed
we made a mess of last night
and laid in my spot,
pressing my body against his.
He put his arm around me
and his hand under my leg.
As he snored into my back
I thought about how I
want to tell him
I love him.
I’m really in love with him.
Chameleon Nov 2024
He asks me to buy him
cigarettes and drop them
off in the morning
before work,
so he can kiss me
before the day starts.
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