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Chameleon Dec 2023
I’m supposed to go back to work
and my life tomorrow
even though it feels like my life
ended the other day.
I don’t want to keep going,
I want to go back.
Chameleon Dec 2023
It’s just not fair.
Why can’t I have the person I want
like all the other girls.
Why does my love
have to be complicated and
difficult.
All I ever wanted was for us to
live in a tiny house,
make dinner and be together.
Chameleon Dec 2023
I sit very still in bed
staring at the duvet.
Not really thinking,
just staring.
It’s like I am a piece of furniture
in this quiet house.
Time drips by as families
everywhere are celebrating.
I am grieving.
Chameleon Nov 2023
Sometimes I can find joy
and peace in my small existence.
I wake up and make my coffee,
grab my backpack and head to the
gym.
I go to my office job
and laugh with my coworkers.
I come home and build a fire,
hauling wood across the yard.
I make dinner for one and have a beer.
I pack my yellow pipe
and watch YouTube before I go to bed.
And I almost eat this up.
It’s so simple and quiet,
not speaking out loud for hours.
It’s just me, and my pet fish
in this old house.
Chameleon Nov 2023
You love who you love
and there’s really no way to
explain why, and you really
shouldn’t have to anyway.

I love him even though
he is far from perfect
but he loves me just the same.
Chameleon Nov 2023
I thought screaming and
crying into your pillow ended after
you turn 16 but now I think that
helpless anger never goes away.
It’s like something is overflowing
out of your eyes, nose, mouth
and ears.
It feels like you could pick up a car and throw it
into a building,
listen as glass shatters all over the ground.
I am so angry.
I rolled a joint using my mom’s ****
because I have no money
and I feel a little better.
The red has turned into an orange/yellow.
But it’s still there.
I want to turn my phone off
and hide away in my tower.
No ladder, no landline no way to
reach me even though no one will try.
No one cares if I’m there or not.
They never have and never will.
Chameleon Oct 2023
If I were confident
my body would be beautiful
and he would tell me so
because I’d make him believe it.
Instead I hate myself
and he told me I have the blob gene.
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