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Chameleon Oct 2019
I’ll skip the color and just say
that’s it’s nice to have a nice boy
enjoy you.
Chameleon Oct 2019
I am now that girl who
ends up leaving something behind
My shoes, an ear ring, a bra,
and a hoodie.
A half pack of cigarettes and
a Vuse vape pen.
A small amount of ****.
I don’t know when it happened.
After I started drinking more often,
after he left me and I can’t
seem to remember where anything
is anymore.
And after all,
I was left behind too.
Chameleon Oct 2019
I am a Matryoshka doll.
I carry many different versions
of myself around,
each making appearances
now and then.
I don’t even realize when I transform
until I begin to avoid things
to protect whichever stage I’m in.
Right now I am big, good at deflecting and
putting on a smile with
my mascara.
The small one that’s weaker;
scared
is
deep inside.
Safe.
Chameleon Oct 2019
Last night was an example of
how it’s still there.
He didn’t feel like eating
so I blessed a few slices and put
some pizza aside for him.
But he didn’t want me to leave,
so we watched March of the Penguins
on the couch in the old spooning position.
I was falling asleep but I could feel
that he was awake.
His hand searching to pull down
my sweatpants and recreate what
we used to be good at.
And it was really good.
But I’m not falling over drunkenly
in love, I just feel proudly smug
knowing I still got it.
Chameleon Oct 2019
Everything is not okay.
I’ve already lost track of
what day it is,
I have no idea where
I should be or what I should be
doing.
It’s October, so my yearly
downfall into seasonal depression
is right on schedule.
I’m not even in my own bed.
Or my house because I don’t really
have one anymore.
My heart is broken,
my bank account busted,
no good fortune on the horizon.
Just another sun rise into
a day of disappointments.
Chameleon Oct 2019
I’m spending my night drinking
hot chocolate and rewatching
Gilmore Girls: Seasons.
I’ve sat at the kitchen table to smoke
some **** while the house is dark
and quiet.
Everyone else is asleep because
they all have jobs to go to when
they wake up.
I am unemployed.
Chameleon Oct 2019
He still needs me in the
small ways I need him.
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