Chameleon

Chameleon Jan 2019

I decided I’m done trying to get things done.
It doesn’t even pay off, and I just spend my free time before work running around feeling stressed.
If I get the laundry done, cool.
But if not, oh well.
If I get to the store cool,
But if not oh well.
If I see people cool.
If not, oh well.
I’m done worrying and taking sleep away from myself just so I can try to be super woman.
I work third shift, it’s okay to sleep all day and get nothing done.
I should give it a try. Maybe I’d be happier.

Chameleon Jan 2019

What a peach

Nobody else knows what it’s like when it’s just you and another person.
They don’t see how often he makes me laugh,
the ugly kind so you know it’s real.
Sometimes he will just stare at me and then go, hmm, and smile as if he’s thinking something sweet.
How he encourages and supports me at the Gym even when I’m struggling to get it right and then tell me how great I did when we leave.
Watching Game of Thrones cuddled up on the couch has become my favorite part of the day because it’s just me and him and it feels like our thing.
He notices little things about me that make him laugh, like how I get flustered when the Roku remote doesn’t seem to work.
He defends me and respects me and cares enough to grab my hands when I can’t stop pulling out my hair.
They don’t see how stupid happy I am ever since that Saturday after Thanksgiving when we just gravitated towards each other and have been together ever since.

Chameleon Jan 2019

One of those days

I woke up still feeling sad.
I had the urge to cry but wouldn’t let myself do it around him.
I felt like we are still too new to allow myself to have one of those days where I wake up in tears.
Finally after attempting to hold it in, I went and laid down in bed, pulled the covers over my head and quietly cried.
He came in and laid on top of me and said,
“Babe, why are you so sad.”
I didn’t respond, I just sniffled.
He stayed until I took my head out and said,
I feel better now.
And then we got up and went to the Gym because it’s okay to have bad days, but you have to pick yourself back up and keep trying.

Chameleon Jan 2019

Downer

I **** at writing.
I don’t know why I even try.
But I **** at everything so
why am I surprised.

My depression is hitting me sooo hard tonight

Chameleon Jan 2019

Sunny

I like him so much
he makes long days spent snowed in feel like summer.

Chameleon Jan 2019

Morning

This morning before the sun came up the two of us fell asleep on the couch after work, cuddled very close together with the dog at our feet.
A bag of ****, a bowl, a half empty bottle of water and a candle on the coffee table.
A show I can’t remember played softly on the Tv.
At some point he woke up and said, come on as he picked me up and carried me to bed, our pup trailing behind him.