My dad came over yesterday to fix my garbage disposal.
I think he could tell by the lack of smiling and my tone of voice that I was upset.
So he asked, "how have you been? How are things with that guy you were hanging out with?"
I replied, "there's nothing left to say about that, but I'm pretty bummed out."
He told me he's sorry and if I want to talk that he's around.
I just said thanks and hugged him.
I don't want to talk about it anymore. I have talked about it so much that even I'm sick of it.
I hate that I even mentioned him to my parents, I waited 6 months before I ever did and that was a mistake but I used to think he was worth bringing up.
Oh how wrong I was.

You know what ***** the most is knowing that some day he will give a girl the chance I wish I had.
I wasn't worth it but some totally uninteresting girl who wears American eagle and who is probably a nursing assistant with a kid from a previous relationship will be.
She will be prettier than me in the traditional sense but there's nothing unique about her.
She won't write or paint or play an instrument but she will make an excellent wife.
I bet her name would be something like Marissa.
Yuck.

I can try to convince myself that I'm just angry but really I just miss you.

While laying in bed I can hear the windchimes, that are hanging outside my neighbor's apartment singing loudly and consistently.
The wind is blowing hard outside.
Even though it's Halloween it's warm and the air smells fresh as it comes in my window.
Perfect to fall asleep to.

(And anyone else who might need it)
Please be happy.
Please try as hard as you can to focus on the good and stop believing that mean girl in your head who lies to you.
You have come so far and done so well creating a new life and making yourself happy.
Your happiness shouldn't come from someone else.
Stop putting yourself down because of your job and because you're single with no kids at 23.
You're doing just fine.
The quick passing of time doesn't mean anything.
Life is long.
Please try to be nice and give yourself a break.

He says he hates the color blue, and turns to look at me.
"Except for your eyes. I like that color."