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  Oct 2018 Chameleon
Charles Bukowski
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pur whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the ****** and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to ***** up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?
Chameleon Oct 2018
Some people are like lighthouses and those that are lost and drowning gravitate towards them.
Sometimes that light is enough to save them, wash them up on the rocks and climb out of the water.
But there are others that can't be rescued because they refuse to follow the path to safety and the light house has to learn to let go.
You can't help everyone without damaging yourself.
Chameleon Oct 2018
He's my person even if I'm not his.
Chameleon Sep 2018
I have always been surrounded by temporary people.
People who were attracted to me at one point and then whatever light I had burned out.
Why I've never had fulfilling friendships or meaningful romantic relationships.
After awhile I had to realize that maybe it's me, and maybe that's just the way it is.
That my weekends will be lonely, and my weeks even lonelier.
And one day he will leave and become another person that I have sad memories with.
Chameleon Sep 2018
Bukowski and Whitman are stacked on top of each other on the little table in front of my couch.
I was flipping through them reading random poems.
It's raining and I have a lit candle sitting on the window sill.
My pup is asleep underneath the Mexican blanket I bought at the Applefest this past weekend.
And I am sick.
I am about to take another nap.
Sleeping is all I've done today except get something to eat and wonder if he had ideas about leaving this small town and trying to find happiness somewhere far away.
A true crime show I found on Netflix is on but the volume is down a bit so I can't even really makeout what is being said.
I have to work tonight so I'm going to go back to sleep.
I hate being sick.
Chameleon Sep 2018
I wish I could learn to be happy with what I have.
Even though I want something or someone I wish I could be happy with right now.
I have made some changes and done things in the last 4 months that I used to think I could never do.
My life is simple and restful.
I have a sweet little apartment, and a good job.
I live lazily through my days with no drama,
and I always have someone to hangout with.
I have a lot of good.
I might be too much of a romantic and think I won't be full until I have Love.
But that's just another good thing I have.
The chance, the opportunity and excitement of falling in love and having no idea when it will happen.
Chameleon Sep 2018
I'm having trouble because I
want you to want to be with me.

For real.

Not just on a hot Thursday afternoon for a short hangout,
or sleep overs that lead to more then just sleeping.

I want you to want me when it's cold or raining and everything seems to be falling apart, but despite all the troubles life can bring at least you have me.
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