Chameleon

Chameleon Aug 2018

Highway

I drove to the edge of the highway.
A place I haven't been to in 5 years.
The only proof I've been here will be the L&M cigarette butts left behind.
The sun is setting and the sound of passing cars going about 70 miles an hour fills my ears.
I can barely hear my Spotify playlist.
The weather is perfect and I've got a buzz.
It's not so bad right now.

Chameleon Aug 2018

Once in awhile

Sometimes something happens that is so rare it only comes along once in a blue moon.
And it's so good that there's no way it can be real.
It can't really be happening to you.
It feels so weird to be happy because it's all I wanted my whole life.
It's so weird to have this guy in my life who makes me feel everything and is also the most attractive person in so many ways.
Happiness happens, you just have to work really ******* hard and wait a long time for it float by.

Chameleon Aug 2018

Stressed

I just want a fresh start,
a new beginning.
I found a great apartment today that I am moving into on September 1st.
But I still have baggage from my old life, my past relationship.
I got stuck with the dog and I can't take her with me when I move so it's my problem to figure out what to do with her.
But my heart hurts at the thought of putting her in a shelter.
I wish she was with my ex or that this was his problem.
Tomorrow I am going to make some calls and see what I can do but I wish I could figure it out right now.
I've been pulling out my hair all night worrying about it.
But I am ready to let her go find a better home and for me to be able to start over.
I need this resolved ASAP.

Chameleon Jul 2018

Can't stop smiling

All of this is brand new to me.
How he opens doors so I can walk through first,
talking about meeting my dad and how it's important to him if he's well received.
Going on a pizza date on a work night.
Someone to listen and care and try to help.
And that last kiss when the date is over that leaves me filled with butterflies and a smile that lasts for hours.
I'm just feeling lucky lucky lucky.
Whatever we are right now, I like it.
So much.

Chameleon Jul 2018

New clothes

Today I woke up feeling sad, and I had a good cry about it for a minute and knew that today was the day to get a little retail therapy.
I went in search of something that would make me feel hot.
I found a blue jumpsuit with a floral pattern and when I tried it on it accentuated all of my curves while making me look thin, and honestly the ***** has never looked better.
I bought it along with a cute shirt and a cheap little tank top.
When I got home I took a picture in the jumpsuit and posted it to Instagram.
Dan texted me and said, ***.
I replied, what?
He sent the photo I posted and said, where have you been hiding all my life? ***.
The goal to find something to make me feel hot totally worked.
Sometimes all you need are new clothes to brighten your mood.

Chameleon Jul 2018

It's done

I know it's early and I know it's only because I have people around me who are supporting my decision and helping me not be alone,
but I'm starting to feel annoyed that I keep feeling bad every time I feel good.
I don't want to feel guilty for not crying all day and wanting him back.
I know that this is the right thing to do for me.
It almost makes me mad that he keeps thinking I will change my mind.
Why would I? For him? So he could go back to being happy.
It's been 3 days now and I'm actually feeling better then I have in 3 years.
I will always be so ******* sorry for him and the pain I've caused, but I can't go back.
It's impossible.