Chameleon

Chameleon Nov 2016

I've got a major body buzz after eating a *** brownie,
watching the X-files.

Happy bakesgiving.

Dinner is at 3:00.
My dog is napping beside me.
My house is warm, it's cold outside.

I don't know how to end this.
So, I'm going to smoke a cigarette and get ready to leave.

Chameleon Nov 2016

Overwhelmed

It would be great if someone just knocked me out for a couple days and came in
and took care of the problems at my house.
While also, taking me to various doctors for my teeth, and my feet.
And fix my hair, get a cut.
Put some moisture back into my skin.
Buy Christmas presents for everyone in my family.
Pay some debts off.

And I could just wake up and go,
"Oh, swell. Everything is perfectly fine."

But. That's just the stuff I dream about.

Chameleon Nov 2016

****

I really just want to sleep for the rest of my life
Or at least
for the next few years.
I don't know what to do.
I really need help,
but I can't get it
without telling someone.
And that's what I can't do.
This isn't a poem.
I'm just freaking out.
And trying to pretend I don't
have any problems.

Chameleon Nov 2016

Little bits

I can't sleep.
It's 1:50 a.m and I'm laying bed listening to the faint sound of my boyfriend playing a video game, and my furnace blowing air into my room.

I have been online shopping all day, but not buying.
I've discovered The X-files and I'm obsessed.

I have to go back to work tomorrow, and I really don't want to.
Being home is way too sweet.

Chameleon Nov 2016

Sleeping in November

My body isn't fooled by this time change.
I know what time it used to be.

My eyes weigh heavy behind day dreams of my bed.

Flannel penguin sheets, watching YouTube videos, drinking a water, and smoking a cigarette after smoking some ****.

When I finally lay down, my nose is cold as it peeks out of the covers.
My furnace still isn't working properly.

Good thing I've never been able to sleep when it's hot any way.
I welcome you, November.

Chameleon Nov 2016

Breathe

I try so ******* hard to be happy.
I try so hard to be positive.
I try.

But, I still feel.
I still feel like my life is over and I'm only 21.
All because I couldn't finish college.
Every adult I meet tells me to go back to school like its that simple.
I don't even know what I want to do with my life, still.

I know I just need a break, I need to breathe.

Chameleon Nov 2016

70

I took him to our little spot that over looks interstate 70, the spot that almost seems like a secret.
I thought he'd be impressed, maybe say,
this is cool.
Instead he asked,
did you ever take anyone else here?
I stumbled and said. No.
I'm pretty sure I didn't even stop. I just turned right around.
It felt empty and sad without you anyway.
I've never been back since.
But I always look down that road when I drive by, like I'm hoping to see you somehow.