Chameleon

Chameleon Sep 2016

Kiss

His lips tasted like beer.
I swear I got drunk after every kiss.

Chameleon Sep 2016

There is nothing sexier than honest words.
That's what you've always given to me.
Boy, you're so easy to fall in love with.
On my worst days when I feel so alone,
I remember that time you were leaving for the summer and I couldn't let you go.
I hugged you so tight, and couldn't stop kissing your lips.
I needed you so bad back then.
I truly don't know what would have happened to me without you being there to monitor my drinking, make me laugh, call me out on my ******* yet giving me the affection I needed and never forcing it onto me.
****. I miss you.
Do you remember when I would call you the human dictionary?
You always knew the answer; the right thing to say.

Chameleon Sep 2016

The kindest heart

My heart feels so full.
He said,
your thoughts about me carried me a long way. You helped more than you
know.
I can't describe how happy I am to know that I was able to help someone I love so much without even really knowing it.
My sweet Iowa.
I helped you, and you helped me.
it's what we do.
He is someone I will think about until my last day on earth and even after that.

Sorry it's not very good, or long. I'm just so happy that my mind is racing.

Chameleon Sep 2016

Nonsense

I'm gonna write down whatever I want.
I love Charles Bukowski. I would've been one of those girls who crawled through his window and drank whiskey with him before letting him **** them.
I laughed because I'm drinking at 6:44 a.m.
I swear I'm not crazy.
It's still dark outside.
I'm buzzed and that makes me chain smoke.
That's why I could never stop smoking. Drinking. It just feels so good together.
I'm pulling on my hair. Oh no. Today I felt really down about it. I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. I have no bangs left.
This isn't a poem. It's just nonsense. Sorry.

Chameleon Sep 2016

Couch

I'm home from work now.
It's 6:19 in the morning.
News center 7 is on the TV telling us the weather.
The high is 87, abnormally warm for this time of year.
Fall begins tomorrow.
My favorite part of my after work routine includes smoking some ****, it helps me get to sleep. If you work thirds you know how hard it can be to settle down.
But this morning I am drinking a Henry's hard soda. Orange.
Weird time to drink, yeah. But. It feels necessary.
I have an empty stomach and I'm sipping it fast. I'm gonna be buzzed.
Already calming down, feeling my eyes get heavy.
I'm going to smoke a cigarette and ignore the news in the background for a little longer.

Chameleon Sep 2016

Where this all began

Ya know, if I hate you,
it's because you destroyed me.
I always wonder,
Man how come I don't see the world the way I used to?
You.
You stole it from me.
I know you could see it on my face, because everyone could.
I scared my mother to death because I had the word ADVENTURE in my eyes.
Every day was like a new beginning, I had so much hope, energy and love.
If I hate you it's because I was only 18.
I will admit that I was too young, naive, ready to soak in any and all compliments from men; but buzzing right by them.
A savage honey bee.

Until you stopped me.
Used me.
Tortured me.
Made me feel small.
Had me believing that without you I was nothing.. when really I was everything.

Chameleon Sep 2016

Last hazy days

I got into my 2001 Ford explorer
and lit a cigarette.
I fumbled with the radio and let the Kacey Musgraves CD play.
I didn't know where I was going, besides Starbucks.
I was feeling really anxious and kind of upset after looking in the mirror.
And sometimes all you need is your favorite treat and a cruise.
Ever since I got my first car, I have loved driving; it's always come very naturally.
And there's something about going nowhere that really calms my mind.

People created the motor vehicle because we all want to be able to escape.
Even if we never do...
We can.