I should've gotten out of here when I could have.
Maybe not Iowa, but anywhere would be better than here.
Maybe I'd be happy,
maybe I would've finished college.
Maybe I wouldn't have such obvious bald patches as I do today.
Maybe my teeth wouldn't be ****** up.
Maybe I wouldn't be trying to pay for everything by myself.

******* for keeping me here.
You always used to try and guilt me by saying,
I'm changing my whole life for you.
Yeah, well you went right back to "your life," while mine was the one that ended up being altered.
If not for you, I know my life would be completely different. Better.
****. I hate you sometimes.
I wish you had never said you loved me.

Sometimes I miss your friendship,
because it felt real.
I still remember some of our times together as some of the best days of my life.
If I needed you, you'd answer the phone.
If you needed me, I'd answer the phone.
We understood each other, and where we were in our lives.
You were my drinking buddy, we were party girls looking for a good time. Never knew where we'd end up.
But we loved each other.
I'd never had a girl as a best friend before.

And then our fun ended the way most does.
You found a guy who ended up making false promises, and you got pregnant.
I tried to stay connected with you,
but you stopped, so eventually I did too.

I found your class ring in my car when I was cleaning it out, a souvenir of my past.

I miss you still. I wonder how you're doing from time to time. Maybe you wonder about me too.
Deanna.

Hey there love,
I've just stopped by to see how you are.
How's life treating you so far.
I've been good ya know?
But I've been better.
I'm looking forward to colder weather.
I'd love to sit and talk with you..
but I know that's something I can't do.
Although, that's okay.
It's alright.
I'm just a little drunk tonight.

God, I am the worst.
I just went through and deleted so many poems, and I still need to get rid of more.
They are so embarrassing and sound like crap anyway.
An annoying creepy girl just whining.
When did my writing turn into garbage.
I think I need to take a break.
For a long time.
Writing like this has only brought me down, and makes me wish for things that don't matter.
I need to live the life I have now.
Sorry for all of this **** I've been putting out there.
Maybe when I come back I'll actually have something to say.
God, all the great poets before me would be highly dissapointed.

I'm sorry I don't know how to write about anything but love.
My soul just wants it so bad I can't breathe.
I think we were all created with one trait that sticks out more than others.
Adventurer, fighter, leader, artist, lover.

God I've loved so many people, yet no matter how hard I loved, they always walk right through me; as though I'm just a ghost, a pretty picture on the wall,
a chameleon.