Chameleon

Chameleon Feb 2016

Crazy

Sometimes you just need
to say ******* to the person who broke your heart.
Get mad, and dwell in it for a day or two.
Do some psychedelics and trip into another world.
Drink until you smile and are laughing and talking like a maniac.
Smoke so much **** you drive 30 mph everywhere.
Sometimes you need to get ****** up to see how not ****** up your life is.
And say ******* to anyone who says that isn't the way to solve your problems.
Clearly they've never needed to get out of their head.
Don't be afraid to go crazy.

Chameleon Feb 2016

Things I wish people my age knew

Get a job,
and actually go.
Buy your own car,
and try to avoid asking for too much help.
But accept help when it's given.
Be driven, but be patient.
Sometimes good things do come to those who wait.
Even if you're 20 and have a baby,
accept that you are young,
it's okay if you don't have everything yet.
Stop spending all of your tax return
on tattoos.
Don't buy a house.
Only buy what you can really afford.
Failing doesn't make you a failure,
it's a chance to learn something.
Be kind.
Try to smile.
No one expects you to have all the answers.
Grow up, don't hurry up.

Chameleon Feb 2016

Flowers

I don't know what's gotten into me.
Maybe it's because today gave Ohio a little taste of spring,
or because the radio keeps playing good music.
I always feel better in warmer weather.
I decided to start living healthier.
Get my confidence back,
get my body back.
It's time to start feeling and being better.
I want to learn more and find out what I'm capable of.
Even flowers have to learn how to grow.

#flowers

Chameleon Feb 2016

Around 1 a.m

I wish you'd stop saying,
"I'll be here."

I don't believe you anymore.

Chameleon Feb 2016

Ugly

The worst thing is
not having the confidence I used
to have.
I never thought I was "hot"
but I was happy with my body, my personality, my life.
Now when I look in the mirror
all I see are my ripped up bangs,
and ever expanding bald spots.
My stomach has love handles again,
and constantly pooches out too far.
Even my ***** are different.
The used to be perky and quite nice.
Now I am so embarrassed to take my shirt off in front of my boyfriend.
My legs are short and fat just like my fingers.
I am ugly.

Chameleon Feb 2016

Stubborn

We are so dysfunctional.
Two rams butting heads.
There never is a right, or wrong.
We know each other's pressure points.
Mine: college dropout, yet privileged by the help of the family I was born into. Alcoholic father who lies.
Him: unemployed, *******, doesn't love me.
Today, in the middle of one of our worst fights I was sobbing.
Suddenly he stepped forward and said,
"baby, don't cry."
He held me for a few seconds until he realized I wasn't going to stop and for some reason, it annoyed him.
The chaos continued.
Somehow we always end up apologizing and saying I love you I love you I love you.
We are a little toxic for each other, but too crazy for the other to end after two years.
I just think it's weird how love works.
It can cover up even the wounds we think won't heal.

Chameleon Feb 2016

Happiness

I was only funny because
you were so easy to talk to.
I miss the way it sounded,
the both of us laughing our heads off.