Chameleon

Chameleon 7d

Pink and red
and a mix of the two;
long stemmed
and cut
set neatly in the vase.
I already picked
two of the petals
that had fallen
and placed them in between
the pages of a book
to keep.
I got flowers for Valentines Day
for the first time
as an adult
and it feels really good.

Chameleon 7d

Lie

I not so secretly
think that most people
I’ve met,
but especially the ones
I’m close to are
planning to hurt me.
These thoughts slip
into my brain
where I’ve read
deep between the lines
of a text and suddenly
he meant to send that
to the other girl
and he’s only saying
he’s sick to get out of seeing me
so he can see her for Valentines Day.

I have to remind
myself that it’s a lie,
say stop stop stop.
And try to forget
this fake scenario that
feels so real.

I swear I’m totally normal

Chameleon Feb 11

Lonely

I’ll go home
and build a fire,
put on the podcast
that feels like having friends
and go to sleep.

Chameleon Feb 11

Gratitude

I hate being so
negative,
especially when there
are so many good things
in my life
and so many more
to come.
My brain is my
biggest bully
and obstacle.

I passed up on
a gratitude journal
at the Goodwill the other day
but now I’m
thinking I should’ve
purchased it instead of
putting it back on the shelf.

I have a boyfriend that cares
about me,
is beyond patient
and kind.
I have a family that
is there every time
I fail, and that’s happened
a lot.
I am about to have a
fresh start with the
opportunity to
make more money
and take care of my health.
My bills are paid,
my house is stacked with
fire wood.
I am relatively healthy
physically,
and moderately attractive.
And spring is coming.
The sun and the birds
and green grass
will remind me that
life isn’t so bad.

Chameleon Feb 8

there’s more to it

That’s the thing
with most men.
They’re takers,
not givers.

Chameleon Jan 28

Artist

I am dating someone
who draws me when
I’m not there,
and looks at the photos
I’ve sent him
in private.
He pays me back
every time I buy something
and writes a cute
note in Venmo,
and asks me to stop
by before work just so
he can kiss me.
He is romantic in
ways that I am not,
but I am grateful.

Chameleon Jan 26

Lunch

I spent my
grocery money
for the week at
the dispensary.

After I picked up my order
I took myself out to lunch
at the Mexican restaurant
my ex and I used to frequent
almost daily.
We’d spend too much
on shots of tequila and
beer and tip
really well.
The greeter said,
Hi amiga! How have you been?
It’s been awhile!
I smiled and told him
I moved out of town.
I got my usual,
beautiful Al pastor tacos
and a Dos Equis with lime.
I ate and drank slowly
listening to the families
chat around me.
Then my beer was almost empty
and I was feeling good,
so I knew it was time to go.