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When I think of you
I hear 1960s love songs,
slow and sweet just like
how life is when we’re together.

I miss you like I miss
the summer on a cold
February night,
even if it’s just been one day.

I say the words
I love you to my myself
all the time,
but I think I should
say it out loud
because I think
you love me too.
Chameleon Dec 12
Even though it was noon
I tiptoed back to the bed
we made a mess of last night
and laid in my spot,
pressing my body against his.
He put his arm around me
and his hand under my leg.
As he snored into my back
I thought about how I
want to tell him
I love him.
I’m really in love with him.
Chameleon Nov 22
He asks me to buy him
cigarettes and drop them
off in the morning
before work,
so he can kiss me
before the day starts.
Chameleon Nov 21
Everyone has some one
to come home to.
The house is warm
and full of the sounds
of life when they
walk through the door.
Some one to kiss
and ask how was your day.
Some one to listen
whether it was good or bad.
Some one to discuss
dinner plans and then eat with,
snuggle up on the couch
and watch tv.
Maybe they have a cute baby
that gives purpose to
working 40+ hours a week,
a family to support,
and be supported by.

Tonight I drove home
in freezing rain,
and unlocked the door
to a quiet, cold house.
I forgot to grab salt for
the water softener again
because I don’t have
anyone to remind me.
Even the cat who lives here
doesn’t care about my
existence.
I sat in silence
on my bed for almost
an hour,
paralyzed in thought,
not knowing what to do
because nothing sounds good.
I turned on the ps5
and played Skyrim
for a total of 5 minutes
before turning it back off.
And I gave up on
listening to a podcast
soon after.
I thought about calling
a friend but there’s no one
to call.
I’m dying here I think.
Painfully slow,
but dying all the same.

I wonder if loneliness
could actually **** a person.
Chameleon Nov 13
Get high before work,
hit penjamin and
cough,
smoke filling my car.
This isn’t a good idea
because **** makes me
forgetful
but **** it.
I realize that the louder
I set the music
the better I feel
so I’m treating this
cruise like it’s 8 hours later.

I’ve been feeling uncool,
unhappy and unlike
myself for the last few
months.
I think all I want for
Christmas this year,
is me.
Chameleon Nov 12
I can’t escape it.
It follows me around
every corner,
down every alley.
I just want to turn
to him,
but he isn’t there.
Turns out loneliness
is the only thing
that will never leave me.
Chameleon Nov 1
People only stay
for the time that they are
supposed to.
For lessons, and growth
and tribulations.
Once they’re gone you
have to figure out what
to do with the space
they left.
Every person I’ve ever
cared for is no longer
here.
And sometimes when I
look at him
I know he won’t be here
forever either.
I wonder if he sees that
when he looks at me too.
Maybe that’s why
neither of us has bothered
to say I love you.
Because what’s the point?
No matter how you feel
it will never make
anything last.
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