Do I tell her?
about the pills that I hide
the lighter in my pocket
the razor handles missing blades
my inability to look in the mirror
the words I write across my thighs
the bald spot in the back of my head

How do I tell her?
I have consumed insanity
And this is who we have become.

Secrets may be kept quite
But they echo loudly within those
That were harmed.

it’s not going to work is it?
all the times I dry the tears off my face
The ***** from my chin
The blood from my limbs
I fear I will lose the fight to stay alive
And all my efforts will be nothing more
Than drawing out the pain.

life goes stale
misery circles in
black and grays
replacing the vividness
smells wafting from the fridge  
i just know rotten milk awaits

The neighbor watches
As my face contorts in pain again
He waits to see what I reach for
The pain meds that don’t really work
Or a pillow to drown out my sobs
Sometimes I see his kids little hands
Peeking through the curtains
I wonder if they all wonder
What the hell is wrong with me.

I want a release
A time for my mind
To not feel so guilty  
A time my heart does not
want to bust out of my chest
Or if my heart does want to explode
Let it be with the gleeful happiness
That comes from a hallucinogenic high
Let the pain slip away my hips
Find the rhythm they fell out of touch with
Several years and years ago
Let my glazed eyes feel the sunrise in an
Abandoned alleyway without knowing where I am
Let me never worry again about family
About the pitfalls of love
Let me join you uncle
In a ditch chasing the high
This world only gives to the users
I was always so disappointed in you
Wiping out just like that .
You promised you were clean
But it seems our hearts are just one and the same.