Paige

Paige Mar 2015

I'm getting lost in my
thoughts and my eyes
want to close.
My fault.
I smoked a bowl before
work this morning:
I also cut the palm of my hand
with a knife;
and I hadn't even been at work
an hour.
I didn't say anything.
I don't think it needs stitches.
I need to wake up somehow
before I accidentally **** myself.

Paige Mar 2015

It's worth seeing

If you don't understand
the calm that comes with driving
as the sun starts to peak over the edge
of the earth,
and watching the sky change
colors every minute,
than I suggest that on a day
off work,
wake up early and go get some
breakfast, or coffee.
Smoke a cigarette or a joint,
or both.
Meet the morning people,
they smile more.
See how much more time there
really is in a day.

You will not be disappointed.

#morning

Paige Mar 2015

Controlling

It feels like I've lost
the battle that I used to think
was under control.
But it isn't.
I have less hair now,
than I did a year ago when
I had a pixie cut.
I never thought about how
much more
discouraging it could be
to lose hair once it's longer.

I wish I knew how to control this.

#pressure #trichotillomania

Paige Mar 2015

cold coffee

I woke up to my alarm;
I had forgotten what time it was
going to go off.
6:10 am.
Oh yeah,
it was time to get ready for work.
So I did just that,
but in under ten minutes.
I'd like to start this day off
in a good way,
with my coffee that is now cold,
listening to music
and smoking a little ****.
I am hoping that good vibes
on this Saturday morning
will help my mind forget how
early it is.

Paige Mar 2015

Content

Sitting in the car,
in the parking lot of the local
doctor's office.
Where the odds of you seeing someone
you know, are a sure thing.
I saw my ex-boyfriend's parents
while in the lobby with my current
boyfriend.
The nurse finally called his name
and I went out to my car
because I am impatient and I
know it;
so I avoid that situation.
Slow ride is on the radio,
I've got a cigarette between my
fingers and I have time to waste.
I've already been to work,
and I plan on hitting the bowl
once we're out in the country.
I am content.

Paige Mar 2015

Routines

I wake up at 9 am,
and slump out of bed.
Shuffle down stairs to the
bathroom and shower.
It takes me around 15 minutes to
blow dry and tame my hair,
before I brush my teeth and
put makeup on.
Smoke a cigarette,
get dressed,
then put my hair up
and savor the time I have before
I have to get in my car and
drive 20 miles to start my 8
hour shift.
But today;
I read.
Charles Bukowski.
The only art form that connects
with me,
and doesn't make me feel
so bad that I don't have it figured out.
But that only lasts 30 minutes,
and now it's time to go to work.

Paige Mar 2015

Honestly

Why did he have to bring up the past.
Remind me of when he wrecked his bike the night before he
would be gone for three weeks
by showing me his scar.
Letting me know that he remembers us.
He was so generous and polite,
and he was flirting with me;
lightly.
I missed him so ******* much.
How did I ever let myself get here,
so much that I feel this way?
And how come I never gave us
a chance. Like I was afraid to say what the hell I really wanted when I could have it.
It only lasted two hours,
but I could've stayed all night,
enjoying the sound of his voice.
I'm glad I did it though because now I know for sure that I still love him.