Tonight, I was made aware of my lonliness,
Or my lonliness was made aware of me,
Either/Or, I'll walk like confidence cause it's all I've got everything to lose,
No one needs to know how this feels,

These words will haunt you...
Your lust will haunt you...
My absence will haunt you...

Like a ghost inside of your head,
Your vanity showed through,
You packed up and started new,
And I'm still here, teary-eyed, and wondering why,
So don't blame me because I'm ******* bitter,
And I'm demanding some answers.

Don't try to fulfill my memory,
Because you are just a memory,
Don't express your love for me,
Because it's something you'll regret,
Don't let yourself feel special,
Because you're just something I'll forget...

you're the something i cant escape.
      you're the secret that doesn't relate.
but a few know of you and your strength.
and how you tear me apart day by day.

keeping you hidden gives you more power.
   because in darkness you can devour.
everything that i am and are
you are what is causing the scars.

some may say your quite normal.
   though you are what makes me abnormal.
i know now i need to take the next step
to save me from this depth.

you are my ANXIETY
  everything that surrounds me.
stop making me worry
about things that aren't worthy.

what I really wanted had little to do with
cupcakes

and everything to do with the way
your eyes followed my
lips & tongue
as I pulled the first taste of icing

into a mouth that has been
ready to tell you "yes"
since before you formed
the question.

If I said I want you,
Would you run and tell the stars
To close their eyes and ring dry
The clouds of tears?

If I said let me hold you,
Would the earth crack open,
To shudder the rolling lands,
Not cradle the hatching seeds?

If I said I am yours,
Would your name soon dissolve
And be lost in the revolving
Night that candles you in light?

If I heard your voice,
In twining dream and woke 
Beside you talking in your sleep
What would your question be?

If I called your name,
Before the first sunning year
And heard you, Echo in the wind,
Would time guide us to the door?

I have reached the point where I
don't want to sleep.
It's not that I can't sleep - I
really am so very tired, and it's
rather late, the clock jumps in
leaps and bounds. As if
the halves of hours and the
chunks of ten
are swallowed by that easy
StumbleUpon button or maybe by
my brain.

This is the point of tired when
all the nightmares and daymares and
scary, lonely dreams-to-be
come lurking in strange
ways. When I
can't place the reason for this
uncanny loneliness eating at my soul.
I keep searching for something -
for anything, if I'm honest -
that will make me
laugh once more, then I
will surely sleep. But I
can't focus. And I can't find it.

I see my old friend, the one I
miss so much it hurts, but who
I haven't talked to in a while. I see
those phantom arguments that I
always win in the shower, and which I
would surely lose in reality. I see
all those moments in which pangs of
pain struck me, the ones that are
so easily ignored throughout the day,
and now they've piled up and I am
an insomniac.

I can't sleep.

First it’s, “I don’t have time”, and then it's, “can I talk to you for a minute?”.
But if I say yes, will you tell me your regrets?
Will you switch the song tune, can I sing along with you?
How about we harmonize your precious lies, that intricately constructed my hearts demise?
Let’s add up all the seconds that you didn’t have, put them in an hourglass and go back the past.
The past you told me to leave alone, because it’s dark outside, and you want to come home.
It wasn’t me, it was you.
It wasn’t you it was us, so I let go and now you’re looking for my trust? 
So now I’m supposed to look past your flaws and into your eyes? 
Isn’t it funny how time flies?
Don’t tell me about myself, or who you think I’ve become. 
I’m not mad, I’m not spiteful, the only thing I am, is done.