I.
Strange sailing horizon couch be feel entirely wonderful.

II.
Electric music sunlight power beauty magnet illusion you.

III.
Charming window fading metal possess buy hands caress want.

IV.
Bubbling skin welling up stomach head rain pop back hello go away.

V.
Suddenly spectacular hackneyed driveway pretending curiosity sky.

VI.
Like not embarrassed cute jokes smell touch safe tangent lips.
serious lean think kissing eyes wrinkle smile crooked tilts.
soft miss dizzy breathe wish.

VII.
Unwind yarn whisper beautiful lockpicker smile big words blue free.
tell sparkle touch laugh suspended warm lit inside lonely different.

VIII.
Hands enough. Watching lips kissed miserable breathing
music fingers concentration sweater
streetlamps shadow pupils slid chin soft ancient scream.

IX.
This dream dangerous questions sure realistic promises dodging desperately
seek hide silence.

X.
Shopping music too smiley spinning mirrors fabric
curled clutching heart glossy floor.

XI.
Restaurant streets town sunsets grass records remind.
makeup beautiful touched.
ring hope answer replay kissed marvel still not letters won’t.

XII.
Eyelids written pieces backs guy knew replay spring rhythm used reflected.
Make girl actually smile.
Racked brain consumes broke cold soaked poured phone deny script glory.

XIII.
Maybe lesson learned silver broken angry summer,
waiting pinned swings freezing,
no take back potter dig,
cast air reside spell,
splat 360 degrees bent to bone.

XIV.
300 miles wake you terrified scorn who still don’t know love.

XV.
Put remind jewelry mirror wallet things can’t memories
ashamed happy lonely always weaker
Love end about right.

XVI.
Still smile seattle pictures camera loves seeing excited lights.
perfect looked much beautiful quieter.
dream arm cruel told me too.

XVII.
Supposed angry wanted love cyanide lost
sporadic calls cruel phone secretly confused smile haunting flat.

XVIII.
Don’t sick maybe sad talk phone anymore text voices 5:00am day
games still trying over now:
my convictions not foreplay.
million questions never anyone again say marry promise need never hate angry lonely
always changing same don’t know.

affection: a drug too expensive
you sell it to me, i give it for free

**** it,
take another shot of whiskey,
with me.
Stumble to the liquor cabinet,
and let,
me stare down the barrel
of a loaded bottle
of Jack Daniel’s Old No. 7,
a fluid bullet pulling
teeth to the tip of the tongue.
**** it,
get close and smell my perfume —
soon we'll dance.
Stand in my room,
soon we'll lay down.
**** it, you're good.
Better with a bottle.
High praise for Jack Daniel's,
because when you drink
you think you like me —
like an occupation.

I think I love you most in Spring
When leaves grow bold and strong
Flowers budding on each branch.
Tree roots spiral and twist into the damp dirt
Earthworms slithering from sewers
Slithering
Warm wind sifting through blades of grass
Misted with dew drops.
I take my shoes off and smell the thick air
Nature tickling my feet.
Roses kissing my cheeks
The tip of my nose
Warm rain sprinkling the fur of the deer
Dashing through the streets.

I think I love you most in Fall
When leaves crinkle and flutter in the sky
Leaving splashes of color on sidewalks
And on the top of cars,
In puddles splashed by tiny feet.
Pumpkins making faces
Rolling down driveways
Rolling
Blades of grass chilled by the cool wind.
I take my shoes off and smell the misty air
Nature tickling my feet.
Roses kissing my cheeks
The tips of my ears

I think I love you most in Winter
When leaves are all but swept away
Tree branches barren and lonely
Frostbite nipping the dead grass
Snowflakes making patterns in the white sky
Dusting each bony twig and pavement
Icicles hanging from the windows
Dripping downwards
Dripping
Firewood crackling.
I take my shoes off and smell the crisp air
Nature tickling my feet.

I think I love you most in Summer
When leaves are solitary greens
Sizzling wind blowing
Ocean waves crashing on the horizon
Where the orange sun meets the sky
Bicycles littering parks and towns
Outside of shop stores
Rusty hose water spilling into streets
Spilling
Roses kissing my cheeks

I think I love you

Slithering
Rolling
Dripping
Spilling

I think I love you

I don't really believe it when people say 'I love you'
Do you really?
If you do then tell me what is love
Tell me what is hate
For there isn't really any love if you don't know what hate is
Love had so many meanings
Does anyone really know what all of them are?
And if by some chance you do, would you still say
'I love you?'

Today was heart wrenching
I woke up thinking of her
She's all I think about,
And it's because of my birthday.
As it gets closer,
I get more distressed.
I grow older.
She will never age.
Time continues,
and she forever remains frozen in time.
Pristine and pure.

Breathe.

It hurts.
My soul, heart, everything
Knowing things I wish I didn't.
Maybe then ignorance would truly be bliss.
Maybe
Living life not regarding
the sorrows of the world.
I'm not that lucky.

It hurts not knowing why,
why the world was so cruel
And she found no comfort in it.
Not knowing,
What made that moment her last.
That hurts the most.
I ache to know the answer.

It doesn't end there,
My family has not yet healed.
Mom constantly checks on my sister,
hoping she hasn't chosen the same fate.

This scares me.
I don't know how to help them heal or even myself.
Physically I cannot help anyone,
and they in return cannot help me.
I am alone.
I am nothing.

I don't want to hate her for what she did
but sometimes I curse her for it.
Cursing her for making so many people hurt.

Hurt is such a simple word.
it helps to explain how I feel physically,
but more importantly how it affects my mind and heart.
I like simple words that get to the point,
that anyone can understand
Like when I say my heart hurts,
Because it is not a physical pain, no
It's a pain much deeper
and will take much longer to heal.
A scar will be left, yes.
May that scar never fade.
If it ever did that memory of her would fade with it.

I never want to forget her.
She was such an important part of my childhood.
She doesn't deserve that.
She deserves to stay ingrained in my heart.
I just hope that when the time comes the resentment will leave.

She did no do this to hurt me.
Repeat.
She did not do this to hurt me.
It's true. She had no intentions of hurting those she loved.
She did it to free herself.
That's hard to accept.
But one day I will.
One day..

I am mentally unstable.
My emotions are polarized and unpredictable.
That scares me.
I liked being happy,
now I feel guilty.
Guilty for enjoying life,
when others can't.
I want to be happy again.

Reminder:
I feel pain,
I am alive,
I feel pain,
One day things will get better,
but not now.
Now is not the time,
I am not ready.

I take people's time,
I am selfish.
I need help.
I need too many things.
Not material,
Something much more powerful.
Reminders that life is worth living
I am not alone.
Everyone is alone
But not always.
I can ask for help,
when I want.

I want to take the hurt out of my heart for simply a day,
and place it on a pillow.
Walk away and live.
Come back and return to the sorrow.
I simply want a day
A day when she will laugh
And I will listen.

I miss her laugh.
I am selfish and kept her laugh.
I am not sorry,
I loved that laugh.
I miss her.

I am alone.
Breathe.

I am alone.
I am not okay.
I need help.
I will forgive.
I take time to heal.
Maggie did not do this to hurt me.
Repeat.
She did not do this to hurt me.

I want a love, a love who adores me
A love who believes I am the grandest love there will ever be
I need a love to believe in me
Even in slights and not adhere to bigotry of family or loss of life
Mischief dies, true love denies, lost is failure of evil tides
Fortune persists for love chimes

Listen to "Love Chimes" poetry podcast
http://www.buzzsprout.com/admin/episodes/110429-love-chimes-episode-of-relationship-rock-building-relation­ships-that-last

or listen on iTunes, scroll down to #24 and click on Love Chimes
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/relationship-rock-shirah-chante/id670836453#