you are your own god
no one else is responsible for how you feel or how you deal with it

dont think i ever will believe u

mental illness or mental awareness

one other thing **** old people
who act like they world stops for them
and it is okay to be an ******* bcuz u old
idgaf  if u are 90 20 65 48
an old man with a cane
old lady with a red hat
my grandparents idgaf
u dont deserve respect for living  lets get that **** ******* straight

if u a racist
if u an *******
if u are iggnorant
age doesnt excuse u from being human
burn in hell

rainbow eyes lifeless skinlight
error in human
eats my heart and sins

and you contemplate that **** until it makes u sick
and there is nothing left of what u had
and u dont know if u ever even meant it

about anything that u are meaning
and everything that u have to live with

been hiding to destroying everything that i need
sitting at stoplights daydreaming unable to breath

be a good person
be a happy person
y cant they coexist

things undone
cannot be undone
lack of effort
cannot be undone
you cannot change anything that you truly feel
increase or decrease the intensity
or alter the way that it will lead you
and feigning heartfelt change
thru something u could easily erase
its defeating to tell the truth
is it worse than what u already do
idk
but its safely packaged
in all the passive relapses
that remind you of what you may have been sent here to do
if i never called u anything
would u still have said those things
or was it just easier to hide behind them
and pretend we werent suffering
and live unhappily
forever and after
shotgunned by the fear
of blame or a connection
to these halflife disappearances

when it could only be the best for me
and never was or will be the best for you

clouds of smoke
speak in exhaust
write in tongues
by their frail haunches they unlatch
then attach to my lungs

my chain is a rope
above a sad gold elephant
hung to heaven from the floor

not good enough

lazy

a place for boots to walk over

weak

half human

need help

embarrassing

ugly

vapid

afraid

alone

ugly

violent

ha­teful

indignant

spiteful

miserable

ugly cold

stupid

accident

you come around for a while
before u sleep and  i smile
knowing its only when youare dreaming
and awake i hate being alive

it means nothing, just friends with my family, we were just *******, it meant notthing

every night now dreams infuse
hollow lotus flowers
colored by words
strangled by gloom

white lights and vampires

textbook: ruin your life 1 day at a time

too much to ask
to give what im giving
and expect something back
words mean nothing
fire is in your past

portrait of the american family in flames
portrait of the american family in purgatory

portrait of the american family on drugs

portrait of the american family in death

im not ready for it but its already here

everything is becoming the same

is this a product of what i do or who i am

doesnt need to be anything else

love is existence without existing

i dont want you to hate me

i dont want you to hate me

i dont want to destroy what i have of you

its all alone and gone

i have no faith in relationships and that is why its so hard to enter or to leave them

idk how to ask if ur okay

come here msg me

anything

ready to give up

love my family

in closed eyes
u look dead and white
open mouth black
closed lips in violence
u let me feel alive

love u

never wanted anything more

what did u write

i dont know u but i love you i dont love u but i know you and it all can be made the same

everything was for u and  i dont care what way you see it

id do anything to give u anything that u want

in love can mean a lot of things

i have accepted death and u hold onto each piece that you believe pulls you further from it that is the only difference and its not moving at all you are just moving in the wrong direction

everything is empty

give me drugs
give me drug

youth i smoke ciggareetes like u feel skin melt pockets on face that never should have been there sagging checks melted eyes black out colors from where u watch in disguise i am holy and that is all u need to know god is lonely and id give him a pistol if i had one. wtch him put it in your mouth and pull when the back of his head is what should be swallowing