do u want this blue to live in
step into shower
pour blue paint over my head
walk around useless skin
slap ******* head
agaisnt walls in kitchen
whos going to rent it then
too much screaming
too much death
or do u want to live in this red
cut my self
wipe blood all over my forehead
something never to waste again
live love how Bathory did instead
bathtub in the blood of virgins
such beautiful skin
never waste again
leave the door room closed
let cigarettes can settle in
burnholes in the carpet
face hides inside of them
the door stays unopened
Y is hell is here
the door stays unopened
y is hell in here
and the door
i dont know what im saying
+i dont know how i am
angry before
sad again
y is hell is here
the door stays unopened
and i dont know where i am

headto deadlights
trial is when you are speaking
ripped up
given a ****
I eye I
turned it into purple sleep
its the place here where you’are sleeping
MANTIcS hides en tree bones
where i should be dead asleeping
its a place here where you’are  living
and its the clothes that ur making
that give these children to their dying
blunthead to deadlights
error is when im bleeding
empty cup
last give a ****
I I I
turned it into purple sleep

spend less time giving a **** thn a lame horse with jellied teeth
got the whole town crawling up out the ground
dead/in\living night time
and its right here
right ******* now
resting fair shovelhands
on ***** fking mounds
cuz heavens screaming lonely + dead horse come clean
its real blood in headlights and they best ******* believe in me
because they come here to breathe
to stop and to watch me (without feeling)
+ i strangle wormclouds
out of every ******* mouth thas speaking
believe in me
watching here and learning from safety
where i hate real alive and loveless existing
skinlight like wandering
burn all your plastic things
because hell is coming harder
and we are never leaving

i always need this some shape or some form of it
before the earth climbs out itskin
mad again     leaves and     leaves again
finds blood on the floor
and the door unopened
still lets all the creatures in
u could appreciate it
when it does happen     and how it does it
on a purple hill with purple wind
the world convulses ugly in the palace of your limbs
alternate universe in some outerspace plastered
backforth+ untoward
the place where u leave too soon
and never come back to again
black black saliva
out of perfume mouth friends
while his backward antlers
charm red pale vampires
that he cannot handle
or begin to understand
there never was the right way
to measure immaterial worth
in such a fragile place
so ima empty this house while u burn it down
unable to giveinto change

bouquets of flowers below street lamps
smeared with gas and smoke
still giving out their ghosts
stars lighting causeways beleaguered clouds
sparkling glass bare intestines
beaded eyes the orbs divined
a man with golden glows pocketed
heart coved in a trough wed
by lice through floods of blood
****** by the dreaming that sleeping does
lived in a lantern extinguished white mud
painted on in the rivers + washed away with the flood

incurable insecurity there is no remedy
im just trying to say its fine and blood
read between the lines
fill this flask with forever + gold + past
drink It all up
until all I see is her grave
the only thing
between me and this red knife she walks on
and dissipates from
in a home that never held its weight
darling the wzy ur crawlingis so charming
wicked as a crow
and just so you know
when greensmoke glows
it tastes like the death
of unspoken words
and unwritten earth
every time you ride my eyes
on your pale horse thru that empty doorway

her dark aspect speaks lifting auras
lighting candles
speaking soft and frail
convoluted distorted messages
leaked  like viscous heaven from dead eyes
when the opiates subside
she rides
monochrome + ****** up
like the march of a thousand upstart flies
into patches where she leaves
symbols inthe passing night
hearts so harlequin
they moan with lust
when strangers shadow by
never really caring
never understanding
that it is that golden crown
that twists her red dress
into deeper sadness
I am enthralled by the storys that you tell,
just as I am in love with the shape of your smile
does he speak to you the way that I do
does he think the way that you and I do
i dont care if im absolved do you
i dont care that it went this far do you
red aspect speaks
repeating in my dreams
this is what I truly want

you needed me beneath your baobab tree
fruit left us muted marbles rolled picaresque
through varying estates of decay
with the dawn you extricated
and as the sun you replicated
abruptly sweat shimmered
to cover your soured silk skin
turned to stone
I collapsed
smiling smoke as you died again
Goddess of this Deus ex Machina
relentlessly relieving me of anything I need to be
beneath milkshake shades of pastel plasma sky
we died
smiled together
watched eternity pass us by

you charmed the life out of me
like an umbilical beast
i was sleeping then you woke me
with the hell of green new spring
weary tones your voice alone
wandered room to room
filled with cigarette smoke
no new ways that arise
no more delicate smiles
just ice jagged pale chest
rising like an uninvited guest,
from a frozen hall long + dead +
repressed + tightening a noose around my neck
please excuse this mess
gargantuan willows enrage the yard
ivy fingers ice-picking
sobbing graves below
flowers all groan, beneath the weight of new snow,
so they begin frantic
to acclimate and grow,
veining like the frothing blood,
cob-webbing the dining room floor
with a fist of bones,
gods hand reached in through the snow
closed the door
we don’t hear from him
not anymore

u would give anything to feel alive
the day after you died
I saw your face in a cloud in the sky

three drops of heaven into weakened eyes
levitating now a vulture in the sky
murals of demure travertine thighs
spreading like scissors unveiling a bride
glowing green phosphorous hunger
bones rattled empty consumed by age
one eye is swooning and the other is set
ana crystalline Goddess lamented in red
skinless throne on glossed marble shards
blood that eludes her makes for the whitest macabre
vulture perching high on a skeletal frame
eyes lit with desire burning and depraved
cloth less a statue walks pale as death
black eyes a void present as the blackest breath
globes of carrion eyes shudder with lust
claws tap like lightning
towards delicate pearl legs
fog light greenhouse of dead human dolls
she plays them like puppets in clusters of storm clouds
laughs as my vulture ascends to his place
smiles as she caressed him and he pants as her slave
dances with the corpses as my madness descends
will kiss with the languorous feel of the dead
shivers descend
down  feathered carrion spines
calmed preternatural
leather nails unholy white lines
black lips press to a mewling bald head
sleep cuts the sound and lacerates the strings
falls into the earth the grave worms begin

the dying and the hopeless
breath in umbrage
young and gutless
across ice as the standard
strangled by cyber optics
as he breaks up the body - starving
plugging in - bright red
as he demands of her
undo the curses that collapse
white eyes - warm pose
her heart beating-her smile still shows
but it burns off his face
and he still demands of her
all the lovers and the keys
the letters and the brothers
your eyes show the emotions
you are to —————- to uncover
with all the other
loneliness and distrust
masking consensual robotics
with 50 random *****
coloring in white penned abjurations
that dissapear when your phone does
you choose and smile
voodoo doll all the others
ilove you i hate alive i hate undiscovered
like - id die here to see it myself
50 faces displaced, made under covers
and all of the arms you felt and slept under
killing kills everything
in a paranoia colored dysfunction

darker crows take a walk
through your mangled picture space
as u serpent by
and melt the frames
while I slither out your past in shame
il rot in here
its for u okay
if it makes u warm and less afraid
ill stand in here alone forever
and never ******* move again
u can tell them i am anything
when they ask you u can say
when he touched me
it felt so lifeless
like a worm taken from his grave
and they will believe you
every word you say
no one believes in a sad liar
or in the palaces he creates
ill be your god i/\ heaven
and you can streamline everything i make
drive an 8 sided truck, filled with human garbage + stuff
and let your carriage wheels tread the waste
(it could be so much simpler)
(walk in with a lighter)
(and burn those newspaper gates)
but when they ask you
its all made of paper?
how does he stand so still in the flames?
when you become quiet
they will watch u grow in the silence
u will know the only words to say
I told him that i loved him
until i realized what i was saying
he walks around in there with his head chopped off
(it scares me)
drinking a bottle full of waste
quiet
always quiet
i die in your silence
always silent
******* kills me everyday

but i’ll be your motion picture and mirror what you window
to watch u inhale these seething lakes
next to a thousand blackveiled widows
star-dusted in liver
horrid mouths foaming sea spray
please come this way
ill walk out my head
its all for u okay
refuse eternity
refuse redemption
refuse to even turn away
passing unreasonable
approaching undeniable
livingin the cold with my shame
come and take my ******* phone
i buried it in the snow 8 months ago
the irony of the timing is making me gag
**** life **** timing **** mistakes
this is what i needed to say
i never left u alone or abandoned that frame
and u have barely been searching
and ive been dead in here for days

have you seen his bone legs
crack and bend when he walks
awkward around strangers
he needs to cut them off
have you seen his mouth
the way that he struggles
no words will come out
its empathetic and clear
never good enough
he needs to take his scissors
and cut it off
and have u seen his face
is dark and undiscovered
and thats the way it will stay
disgusting,
ill take that one there
his face is unmarked and brave
have you seen his eyes
their crawling plastic shape
have you imagined removing them
to see what he’s erased
have you seen his awkard lopsided face
(back to him aagain)
**** that ******* face
it makes me sick when i see it
his mirror wont reflect him
even when he cries and begs
have you seen his love
she deserves so much better than this place
its a small walk
to the bridge and off
and if he gave a ****
he would have already walked
its time again to see the face
of everyfucking conquest you
took and disdained
i see their faces
and mine is not the same
i never could have imagined
living life this way
but the sources are not to blame
so tell me that you ******* love me
before you walk away
and i will do the same

this is an autobiography
that was never meant to be
by ruined writing
in close proximity to my imagined enemies
most people look at you and see
what they want to see
what they want you to be
when they try to talk to me
like I’m coasting in fantasy
like I live in liquid dreaming
like the point wasn’t missed completely
like I love to hate myself constantly
destroying yourself is easy
when you already live in hiding
learn this, protest that,
protest, protest, protest
with plastic signs over the child labor on your back
do your best and use all your influence to help
when your done throw all the clothes and signs in the trash
use, use, use, each piece of your contracted shell
let me come into this, let me come help
a barn-burning beast/\waving a rawhide flag in hell
and in the confusion of the swell
the world would pause in violet while i immolate myself
I just want God to help
finish what he started
when he crafted a trenchant well
filled it with poison(left to our own devices)
formed a base with rotting corpses(and the wings of fallen angels)
then crafted a mountain of material wealth
where he strokes his giant Lucifer
over the sad orphan eyes of heavens window wells
teach us something that is ******* worth knowing
away from self importance through blunted stories
please show me - echelon these KINGS
faceless banners raising war torn cities inside of me
or show us how to take old bones from peaceful death
and transmute them +multiply them into water and bread
or how to relieve out my pores
and bleed out this stress
or to how fall onto the floor
and end up somewhere next to heaven
lights:
friends of friends of friends, magnanimous pretense
exit, we escape to enter again

nights:
drinks and lead
absinthe, escaped just to enter again

life:
it’s reaching for a bottle high up on a shelf
Never learned how to live after spilling milk
makes me panic hard alone and wanna **** myself

death:
glasshouse debris pours out
and the skin won’t grow back
nails curl onto coffin doors
with all the SAD/] SAD[/SADDD
where the parasites are only Jesus
with diamond fangs and silver masks

missing: in quiet a place that’s green
where neon seascapes are all smiling
and the white windmill barely speaks
where diamond panthers lie in violet
and the weeping moon never sleeps
suspended by shallow light
between two holy giants
named first suicide then grief
laying in a fish net made of stardust
with an overflowing cup of angels blood
to comfort and fill my empty veins
and all you can feel here is warmth
all u will feel is warm
vampire queen
snowwhite
Moloch of restless sleep
the planets here are ghosts waiting
behind the black screens of broken TVs
pass the ****
ill be smoking here with them
when you come to resurrect me

Id exchange cars for lions
and the internet for some ******* peace
watch green vines scale the sides of building
creaking + bent as they weep
tall offices and business parks
necks  strangled by keyboards
monotone microphone mouths
smile and thrive
when the VP gazes down
drool of regulated progression
poured out the corner of vacant mouths
Id exchange planes for a range of multiplying rain clouds
pin them with needles to the ground
tear off their wings as they struggle
who is the sociopath now
line up all the preachers
line up all the officers
line up all the politicians
line up all the doctors
an oblong party in nightgowns
drop each one onto a stake
like we living in dracula’s house
talk about finances and collateral damage mortgages and cash cows
between the popping and screaming sounds
while they preach woozy gospel of wooden stakes through the mouth
my insurance agent stands in the center of the city
softly repeating,
If you were dead, she could be living
If you were dead, she could be living
If you were dead, she could be living
all it takes is a signature and a nominal fee
all I can think
WOULD SHE WANT TO LIVE HERE WITHOUT ME
yeah, probably
no one calls me as much as my insurance agent
depressing disgusting
add another liability to my life insurance policy
then go **** yourself you’re going to hell
where your broken eyes will inspire the beast

half asleep in the shower
swaying back and forth
some water runs deep
down the walls
some rapidly pounds at the floor
back and forth
imagining my corpse
swinging from a tree
every time the water leaves me
waving and smiling at everything
would the rain feel the same
fill empty veins
and renew the black intention of my sins
what a monster I am now
what a horror I would be then